


He Likes Me, He Likes Me Not

by Missellaineous



Series: He Likes Me He Likes Me Not [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aunt May is a national treasure, Canonical character deaths mentioned, Explicit Language, Hijinks & Shenanigans, I don't read comic books, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Other, Parker Luck, Secret Identity, So don't worry, THIS IS A HAPPY FIC, The boxes are little gremlins, he finds people in a similar situation and goes a lil crazy, inaccurate portrayal of a mental hospital, it's practically it's own character lets be real, it's very brief and there's a happy ending, pov switching, the last chapter gets a little steamy but nothing explicit happens, there is a reference to deadpool's origins, they happened before the events in this fic, tony is nobody's side character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missellaineous/pseuds/Missellaineous
Summary: Peter is having a normal day at work, when it's interrupted by the appearance of his crush, Deadpool. Now he has to keep his best friend and his boss from finding out what he does in his free time, while also dodging several attempts on his life.
Relationships: Past Peter Parker/Felicia Hardy, Past Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson - Relationship, Peter Parker & Mary Jane Watson, Peter Parker & Original Female Character(s), Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, past Peter Parker/Johnny Storm
Series: He Likes Me He Likes Me Not [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995127
Comments: 148
Kudos: 1063





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [are you sure you wanna' love me?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742120) by [scarlett_starlett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlett_starlett/pseuds/scarlett_starlett). 



> I asked permission to write something based off of "are you sure you wanna' love me?" by scarlett_starlett ages ago, and it's finally ready to be posted. There are a lot of similarities to the original story, especially in the beginning. If anyone hasn't read it already I strongly encourage you to, because it's one of my all time favorites. But I think I've put enough of my own spin on this that it'll do well as its own story. it took a bit of time to get the plot just how I wanted it, and I'm really happy with it.

Peter liked to keep the three parts of his life separate. Occasionally there was some crossover, but for the most part he managed. His boss didn’t know his secret identity, he made time to have lunch with Aunt May every Sunday, and his best friend didn’t know that Peter had a crush on him the size of Texas. Sometimes he’d think about how much easier it would be to have less secrets, but he always remembered how close his life had come to falling apart the last few times he chanced it. He was already struggling to control who knew his identity, adding more people to the mix would just make it more complicated. Besides, he’d been living a double life since he was fifteen, so he was more or less used to it.

It was a risk to work for Stark Industries, but after spending years sneaking into college campuses to make his web fluid, having access to such an advanced lab was irresistible. He was even able to make some improvements to his suit, and he got full benefits. _Suck on_ _that, Jameson_. His life was more stable than it’d been in years, considering the chaos of superherodom, and he was happy to keep it that way.

So when Deadpool strode through the hallway outside of his lab on a random Thursday, Peter felt justified in his panic. The mercenary was whistling to himself, absolutely carefree while Peter stared.

The morning had been otherwise normal. Peter had showed up five minutes late and gotten another lecture from Jen, his supervisor. He’d checked on the results of the tests that had taken all night to process before he started setting up the next batch of tests. It was routine work, but necessary. His mind had wandered to the weird guys he’d caught in the park the night before trying to perform some kind of summoning ritual, so he didn’t respond right away to the unusual sight.

“Is that Deadpool?!” He heard Jen hop off her stool, which clattered to the floor. Peter was still too shocked to look away from his patrol partner walking down the hallway. That entire wall was made of glass, so the two of them were able to watch Deadpool disappear into a conference room a few doors down.

Jen grabbed him by the arm and shook him. “Oh my god, Peter! Tony’s in there getting ready for a meeting! I saw him when I came in this morning. We’ve got to say something!”

“Uh…” Peter really had no idea what to say. Tony typically treated Wade like something he found on the bottom of his shoe. But the only way Wade could get this far into the Tower was if Tony let him. “We should probably just focus on our work.”

Jen gave him an incredulous look. “One of the most dangerous people in the city just walked into a room where he’s alone with Tony Stark, and you want to just ignore it? No way. We have to see what’s going on.”

She started herding him into the hall. Peter was flustered enough to let her. While he wasn’t worried about Deadpool hurting Tony, he was worried about what they were talking about. Really, nothing good could come from the two of them being alone. Besides, he didn’t like Deadpool showing up where he worked. It was hard enough keeping his alter ego hidden from his boss, he didn’t know how well he could fool his best friend. After years of hanging out and patrolling together, Deadpool knew him ridiculously well and it was possible he’d see right through Peter if he wasn’t careful. It was a headache he didn’t need.

Jen successfully bullied him in front of the door to the conference room. She pressed an ear to the wood in an effort to listen. Peter’s enhanced hearing picked up the occasional word, but he couldn’t make much sense of it. Then without warning, the door opened and Jen fell directly into Deadpool’s chest before Peter could catch her. She looked up and squeaked when her eyes met the whites of his mask.

She immediately jumped back and straightened her lab coat with a huff. “Sorry, didn’t mean to fall on you.”

“Don’t worry, ladies fall for me all the time. I’m used to it.” Deadpool giggled and posed like he was primping his hair, one hip cocked out. “I’m irresistible in all this red leather.”

Jen seemed unsettled enough to step back until she bumped into Peter. She was a couple inches taller than him, so he was smacked in the face with her ponytail. He put a hand on her arm to steady her and get space enough to breathe.

“So, what’s a little mouse like you doing over here? Could it be?” Deadpool gasped dramatically and put a hand over his mouth. “You were _eavesdropping_? For shame! Looks like you’ve got some flies in your tower, Tin Can.”

Jen growled. “I’m not a mouse or a fly,” she snapped.

“Mice, flies, spies-what’s the difference?”

“I’m not a spy either!”

Tony started pushing Deadpool down the hallway. “Quit harassing my employees. You have work to do.” He shot Jen and Peter a hard look. “And so do my scientists. Go on.”

Deadpool skipped merrily to the elevator and shouted, “See you later, Mouse!” with a jaunty wave over his shoulder.

Jen was upset the rest of the day, but Peter was too lost in his own thoughts to worry about her.

Wade _always_ fawned over him when they were together. Even in the beginning, when Peter had done everything to push the mercenary away, he would proclaim his admiration for Spider-Man loudly and often. Occasionally there had been misunderstandings that caused Deadpool to attack him, but they always worked it out before it went too far. Deadpool eventually earned Peter’s trust enough for them to patrol as partners, which led to them eating meals and playing video games together. No one had ever made Peter laugh as much as Deadpool did. Before long he’d wormed his way into being Peter’s best friend. Now Peter practically basked in Wade’s attention, going so far as to show off during fights with extra flips and fancier dodges. Being ignored by Deadpool, even if it was just his civilian identity, had felt like he was doused with a bucket of ice water.

It made sense when he thought about it. Spider-Man was Wade’s hero, the guy who was out with him until 3 a.m. until they tried to destroy each other at Mario Kart, the person who listened to him when he said how much he wanted to change for the better and believed in him. Peter Parker was just a nerd in a lab coat, an awkward man with average looks. There was no doubt that Wade would be disappointed if he found out, just like the others had been. He felt stupid for worrying earlier that his identity was in danger.

When Peter finally got home, he indulged himself in a little bit of extra time to lay face down on his futon and wallow. His movements were sluggish when he eventually got ready to patrol, but he felt like he had an excuse for that.

Unfortunately for him, the streets were quiet that night. He followed a young woman home when he spotted her walking alone to make sure she stayed safe, but other than that there was nothing for him to do and nothing to distract him from his bad day. He went back to circling through the city and spotted Deadpool waving at him from a nearby rooftop. As much as he was still upset over what happened earlier, he really couldn’t blame Wade. He hadn’t known that it was Spider-Man that he had ignored, and telling him would mean revealing just how much of a loser he was behind the mask. Peter’s only option was to pretend nothing was wrong.

He let go of his webstrand and let his momentum flip him through the air several times before he landed on the very edge of the roof with jazz hands for that extra flair.

Deadpool clapped enthusiastically. “Amazing! Nine out of ten, best show in the city! Besides Hamilton, but that’s only on Broadway for another few months.”

“What do you mean, nine out of ten?” Peter crossed his arms.

“I gotta be honest, baby boy. That triple flip twister you did last month without spilling your taco isn’t something I think you’ll be able to top anytime soon. Maybe if you showed a little more skin…” Deadpool leered, and Peter felt his face heat up.

You’d think he’d be used to Deadpool’s flirting, especially since they had patrolled together on a semi-regular basis for the past two years, but Peter had always had a weakness for assertive and straightforward people. All of his exes were people who went for what they wanted. It was incredibly attractive when that thing happened to be Peter. Then his brain reminded him how Deadpool had ignored him earlier, and he slumped. The whole situation made him crave a bucket of rocky road ice cream in the worst way.

“Hello? You still there, Webs?” Deadpool waved a hand in front of his face. “Hellooo?”

Peter jerked back and immediately had to lean forward to keep from falling. Deadpool caught him against his firm, muscled chest and oh wow, those muscles felt even better than they looked. Peter pulled back, flustered. His hands flexed reflexively when he thought about how hard Wade’s biceps had felt during that brief moment they were pressed together, and he was very grateful for his mask. He pinched his side to force himself to focus on the conversation.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something.”

Wade tugged him away from the edge gently, causing Peter’s heart to flutter. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…I’m not really up for talking about it right now. Maybe another time?” He pulled away. He didn’t really feel up to getting his heart even more broken, or to attempt double talk to keep his secrets safe from someone who now had a foothold in two parts of his life.

“If you say so, Webs.” Deadpool seemed disappointed, and Peter felt guilty.

“But you know what might help? Taking down some bad guys with my partner.” Peter punched him in the shoulder.

That seemed to cheer Deadpool up. “That’s what I’m talking about! There’s nothing more fun than kicking ass and repressing your feelings, I should know. Lead the way.”

“Actually, I was thinking more of a race.”

Deadpool practically bounced in place at that. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”

* * *

After patrolling, he didn’t feel like going home and being alone, but he didn’t want to crash at his aunt’s either. So he stopped by his apartment to change and grab some things before he showed up at MJ’s door. He knocked nervously, and he was rewarded when his ex-wife opened the door and gave him an unimpressed look. Her hair was tied up so it wouldn’t get in her face mask, and she was wearing her favorite polka dotted robe and matching slippers.

“It’s one in the morning,” she said flatly.

“I brought your favorite wine and one of Aunt May’s pies.” He waggled the offerings enticingly.

She let him sweat for a bit before she stepped out of the way and let him in. She had an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine paused on the tv and a bag of Doritos on the coffee table in front of a nest of blankets.

Peter grabbed a couple of spoons and a pint of ice cream from the kitchen before he joined MJ on the couch. She took the ice cream from him, popped open the bottle of wine and poured some of it into the container.

“So what’s up?” she asked.

Peter didn’t bother to pretend to not know what she was talking about. “Boy troubles.” He shoved a spoonful of pie into his mouth.

She nodded. “Tell me what happened.”

“Deadpool showed up at the Tower today. It was weird, he had a meeting with Tony and everything.” He glanced at MJ, but she just raised an eyebrow that told him to get to the point. “It’s stupid, I know it’s stupid. But he just completely ignored me, and it was a shitty reminder of what happened with Felicia and Johnny. If Deadpool found out that I was just some lab geek he’d ditch me just as fast as they did, if not faster.” He made a face and took a big swallow from the wine bottle.

“Uh, no. First of all, _fuck_ Black Cat. Who is she anyway? Just some girl who steals from people just to prove that she can. And she’s lied to you several times just to trick you into helping her get a score. The only thing she’s got going for her is that she’s kinda hot for a furry, and you’re surrounded by hot superheroes, so she really doesn’t stand out that way either. And Johnny Storm is a hothead who needs to grow up. Haven’t you noticed he only talks to the hot reporters? Peter, you’re smart, handsome, sweet, and kind. Do you really think I married you because you’re Spider-Man?” MJ pointed a manicured finger at him.

“Well-”

“No, I _divorced_ you because you’re Spider-Man. I married you because you’re adorable and respectful. Plus you’re good in bed.” She smirked.

Peter smiled goofily back at her. There was nothing like getting a compliment from Mary Jane Watson. She’d never bullshit you, she always meant what she said. He was so glad he hadn’t lost her completely after their relationship fell apart. He’d been too scared to start a family with her, and he hadn’t been able to put his suit away when she asked him to. But as much as they worked as friends, he still missed her sometimes, when he woke up alone in his bed. MJ held out a hand and Peter traded the pie for the ice cream.

“And if Deadpool is anything like either of those idiots, he doesn’t deserve you. Hell, from what I know about him, he’s lucky you pay any attention to him at all.”

“No, no!” He waved the wine bottle so much it was a wonder he didn’t splash it all over himself. “That’s the thing, though! He isn’t anything like them. He tries harder than anyone I’ve met because he wants to be a good person. After everything he’s gone through, it’s a miracle he still cares about anything at all. Besides, when I’m with him everything is…better. He’s one of the best fighting partners I’ve ever had, and he makes me laugh all the time. And his shoulders are so wide, I swear he could hold up two of me on them, Jesus.” He opened his mouth to continue, but he stopped when he saw the smile on MJ’s face.

“You’ve got it pretty bad, huh?” she asked.

He didn’t bother answering, choosing to take a swig of wine.

“You know, if you’re really worried about whether or not he’ll like you under the mask, you should flirt with him as Peter. That way you can feel out his reaction before you tell him who you are.” MJ took the bottle from him and set it down on the coffee table.

He raised an eyebrow. “You think I should seduce Deadpool?”

“Well I said flirt, but seducing him should work just as well. And when he falls into your arms, you’ll get me a present for helping. I could use a new dress for the gala next month.”

Peter laughed. “Yeah, okay.”

“Good. Now watch the rest of this episode with me. It’s the season finale and I want to finish it before I go to bed. You can stay on the couch tonight.”

MJ tucked herself under his arm and he kissed the top of her head. “You’re my best girl, Mary Jane. I’m lucky to have you.”

“Hell yeah, you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some characters might be ooc, but I've chosen to portray them this way for the purposes of this story. I'm sorry to any fans of Felicia Hardy or Johnny Storm who don't appreciate this portrayal of their characters and their relationship to Peter Parker. This does not indicate how I feel about them in any canon media.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect Tony to be so involved in this fic, but he tends to take over whenever he's around lol. But this is still a spideypool fic, don't worry.

The rest of his week was relatively normal, with one exception. A switch had been flipped somewhere in the universe, because he started seeing Deadpool _everywhere_. Peter spotted him walking down the street of his favorite coffee shop, lurking on rooftops alarmingly close to his apartment, and skulking around Avenger’s Tower. Each time, it took all of his self-control to pretend he hadn’t noticed the mercenary. He’d also had to be more careful about sneaking out to patrol in the evenings. It didn’t help his nerves that Tony was spending a lot more time in his lab, looking over his and Jen’s shoulders as they worked. Jen was feeling pressured too, judging by the way she had snapped at Peter earlier that day. After four days of being watched, he’d just about reached his breaking point.

He was leaving work, trying to justify to himself the cost of stopping by the churro stand next to the park on the way home, when Deadpool tackled him to the ground shouting, “Wipeout!”

Before Peter could ask what the hell was going on, he heard gunfire. People screamed and ran in every direction as the window of a nearby shopfront shattered. He shoved Deadpool off and looked around. He spotted the shooter just as Deadpool grabbed him underneath the arms and pulled him into a nearby alley. Peter was too surprised to resist. The other man tucked behind a dumpster. “Stay here,” he ordered.

He ran back out of the alley, leaving Peter confused. There was no way it was a coincidence that Deadpool was there to save him or that he’d been following Peter for days, but there was no time to analyze it. He climbed up the wall of the alley after checking to make sure no one was watching. He looked around and saw that Deadpool was chasing the shooter down the street. Peter took the opportunity to change into his suit and stashed his backpack behind the A/C unit on the roof.

By the time he caught up, the mercenary had the criminal cornered at gunpoint. Deadpool had a couple of bullet wounds in his chest, which made Peter frown. He hated it when Wade let himself get injured when he was more than skilled enough to avoid it. He landed on the sidewalk and crept closer.

“So, what’s the sitch?” he asked.

Deadpool didn’t seem surprised at his sudden appearance. “Heya, Webs. I caught myself a bad guy while I was playing guard dog. Now we’re just waiting on Iron Dick to pick us up for the after party.”

Shooter Mcgunhappy glared from where he was backed up against the wall. Peter noticed the knife pinning him to the wall by his clothes.

“You think you could tie this guy up for me?” Deadpool asked. “I gotta go check on somebody.”

“Uh, sure.”

It only took a few seconds to web the guy to the wall. Deadpool immediately put his gun away and ran back the way they came. Peter chased him after double checking the webs holding the shooter in place and pocketing the knife. He stopped a couple times along the street to check on the few pedestrians who were still around. No one was injured, and he could hear sirens coming closer, so he was able to catch up to Deadpool quickly. He was kicking the dumpster he’d stashed Peter behind earlier and cursing a blue streak.

“Fucking fuck, shitstick swizzling bastards! Hellmutts and munchkin dildos!”

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked.

“Stark is gonna be pissed, and reactor burns are such a pain in the ass to heal, _fuck_. I gotta find him.”

“Find who? What’s going on?” He kept a few steps back. Deadpool was upset enough he was fingering one of his pistols, which usually indicated that Wade needed his space. Peter tapped his fingers against his thumbs to distract himself from trying to reach out to comfort his friend. He knew it wouldn’t be welcome at the moment. He felt bad for disappearing on Deadpool, but he couldn’t do anything to help as a civilian. He hadn’t really been useful this time, but still.

“The little science nerd I’m supposed to keep an eye on, goddamnit!”

Too fast for him to react, Deadpool twisted and fired. Peter jumped in surprise and looked to see that Deadpool had shot a rat that had scurried out from behind the dumpster. He slid his gun back into his thigh holster. “I gotta go find him before somebody else does. No way the scumbags after him didn’t have a backup plan.”

“Wait, wait!” He followed Deadpool as he started running down the street. “Deadpool, let me help you. Four eyes are better than two, right? Just tell me what to look for.”

Deadpool slowed down until they were next to each other and glanced at Peter. “Yeah, okay. I could always use your help, Spidey. He’s got that whole adorable nerd thing going. Glasses, brown hair, doe eyes, freckles, the works. He carries a dark blue backpack, and he wears a green jacket that’s too big for him. I’ll check his place and the subway. You can check from the skies, see if he’s walking the streets.”

For a second he didn’t believe that Deadpool was describing Peter Parker, his mind caught on the word ‘adorable’, but he shook it off. He needed to focus. “Alright. I’ll call you if I find him. Make sure you keep your phone on.” He shot out a webstrand and swung into the air.

He circled back around once he was sure the coast was clear and went back to grab his backpack and change back into his normal clothes. He managed to avoid getting attention from the police investigating the area. At least he could be sure the shooter was in custody now. He called Deadpool once he was far enough away from the crime scene.

Wade started talking as soon as the call connected. “What is it? Did you find him? Is something wrong?”

“The guy’s fine. I spotted him coming out of a Starbucks. He’s on his way to Avenger’s Tower right now. I’ll follow him until he gets there.”

“I could kiss you, Webs.”

Peter felt his face flush in response. “I’ll always have your back, Wade.”

“I know.” His voice sounded fond, which didn’t help Peter’s blush calm down at all.

“See ya later, ‘Pool.”

He got strange looks from the security guards when he came back through the doors of the Tower less than half an hour after he left. “Forgot something,” he tried to explain, but they didn’t seem very interested. He let himself into the elevator, but before he could press the button for the floor to his lab, the doors shut and it started moving on its own.

“What-“

“Mr. Parker, Sir would like to see you immediately.” A voice with a British accent came out of the speakers.

“Uh, okay sure.” He backed into a corner and glanced at the camera warily. Considering the building he was in, he had a pretty good idea of who the voice was referring to. He did one of his breathing exercises to keep calm. He suspected that whoever had hijacked control of the elevator slowed it down to give him more time, which was strange but appreciated.

He was disturbed by what had happened earlier. Peter Parker was a nobody who stayed under the radar. He was extra careful about his identity to keep things exactly like this from happening. What if the shooter wasn’t alone? And what if the others went after MJ or Aunt May? Most of the other people he was even somewhat close to were other supers, so at least they were probably safe from whatever was going on. He wasn’t even sure what the shooter was after, or what Tony and Deadpool had to do with it. Wade had talked about being some sort of bodyguard, which made some sense when he thought about how often he’d seen the mercenary around the past week. Hopefully he was about to get some answers.

Tony was waiting for him when the doors opened.

“Pete, glad to see you safe. Come sit over here.” He swept Peter toward a nearby couch. “I’m sure you’re pretty confused. It’s not every day you get shot at.”

 _It kinda is_ , Peter thought wryly. He sat across from Tony and asked, “What’s going on?”

“What’s going on is that a little over a week ago my cameras spotted someone trying to spy into the windows of your lab from the building across the street. Turns out some underground organization is interested in you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. What would they want from me?” He picked at a hole in his pants nervously.

“I’m not sure. I’d think it was your research, but Jen hasn’t been targeted the way you are. I’ve looked into other things you’ve been involved in recently-which isn’t much, kiddo, you should definitely get out more-but I haven’t found anything worth shooting you over. So.”

Peter frowned. “So?”

“So, why are there people after you?” Tony crossed his arms.

Peter did his best to look confused. It helped that the emotion was genuine. “How am I supposed to know? I’m just a lab worker. I go to work, I hang out with my friends, and I visit my aunt.”

“No dark secrets? Never borrowed money from the mob, slept with a politician’s wife, none of that?”

Peter shook his head.

Tony sighed, and his shoulders relaxed. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. You don’t really strike me as an underworld type. But there has to be a reason, and until I can take care of whatever it is, we’ll have to keep you safe.”

“How are we gonna do that?” Peter asked.

“Well, I did hire someone to keep an eye on you, but today proves that I’ll have to change strategies.”

“What do you mean, you hired someone to keep an eye on me?”

Tony waved a hand. “Just someone to follow you around and make sure you weren’t attacked. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. So for now, you’re grounded. Until I figure out who’s after you and why, the best way to keep you safe is to keep you in the Tower.”

It sounded like the worst idea Peter had ever heard, for obvious reasons. “I can’t do that, I have responsibilities! I can’t just hide from everything because my life could be in danger. This is New York City, it’s not like danger is something new anyway.”

Tony gave him a disbelieving look. “This isn’t like getting mugged in the alley, Peter. Someone tried to kill you half an hour ago. Are those responsibilities worth losing your life?”

Peter gritted his teeth. If he was going to tell Tony the truth, now was the moment. But he just couldn’t make himself say the words. He’d held it too close to his chest for too long, and he didn’t think he was prepared for the consequences of revealing even one of his secrets and possibly losing one of his allies. His life had finally reached a workable balance, as delicate as it was. His best option right now was to play along until he could get away and get to the bottom of whatever was going on.

Tony took his silence as agreement. “Exactly. There’s a room ready for you just a few floors down. You’ll have practically the whole floor to yourself since the people who usually stay there are off doing something else right now. The fridge is stocked, and any movie you could want to watch is available on the tv. If you need anything just ask J.A.R.V.I.S.”

“Who’s Jarvis?”

The voice from the elevator came out of the ceiling. “I apologize for not having introduced myself earlier. I am J.A.R.V.I.S.”

He automatically looked up. “Uh, nice to meet you, I guess?”

“J.A.R.V.I.S. is my AI. He has full access to all my systems, and the entire Tower. He’ll be able to hear you no matter where you are. All you have to do is say his name.”

“Like Siri?”

Tony snorted. “J.A.R.V.I.S. was better when I first created him 20 years ago than Siri could dream of being in a hundred years.”

“You flatter me, Sir.” The inflection of humor seemed so sincere it was hard to remember that there wasn’t a person behind it.

Tony held out a piece of plastic to Peter. “Here’s your new ID card. If anybody asks any questions, that should answer them. Just remember that you still work here, and you don’t have any excuses for being late now that you’re just an elevator ride away.”

Peter rubbed the back of his neck. He couldn’t really help it when he spotted someone in need of help on his way to work. He was lucky that Jen was willing to keep him on because of the good work he did, though he hadn’t known that Tony was aware of his constant tardiness. He wondered what else Tony knew. “If you say so, Mr. Stark.”

Tony clapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll get this fixed in no time. Just sit tight for bit.”

Peter nodded. “I think I’ll go check out my room, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, just don’t mess with the art. Pepper will kill me if anything happens to the stuff she put up down there. See you later, Pete.”

Peter escaped to the elevator, which started moving as soon as the doors were closed. J.A.R.V.I.S. took him down without any input from him, assumedly to the floor he was going to be staying on for the time being.

It was bigger than anywhere else he’d ever stayed, including Aunt May’s house. After some exploring, he’d found a living room, dining room, kitchen, and five other doors, assumedly leading to bedrooms. There were also clothes his size in the closet of the bedroom that opened when he put his hand on the access panel. The connected bathroom was huge. After looking over every inch of the space, he made himself a sandwich and sat on one of the couches to eat and mull over his current predicament.

“Hey, J.A.R.V.I.S.?”

“How can I assist you, Mr. Parker?”

“How closely do you observe stuff that goes on in the Tower? I mean, do you see everything?” Even asking the question was a risk, but he really needed to know. And trying to hack his way into the Tower’s systems would be a much larger red flag. This way he could pass it off as curiosity.

“I record everything within view of the cameras, and I can process all the information almost instantly.”

“What about Mr. Stark? How much does he see of the camera feed?”

“Sir entrusts me to notify him of any important information needing his attention, such as attempted break-ins or employee theft.”

“Huh.” Before, he’d been betting that whoever was looking through the cameras was a security guard who couldn’t tell what he was doing in the lab. He’d done his best to keep his web fluid out of view of the cameras he knew about, but the Tower itself had been built by Tony Stark himself, who could probably make a camera small enough to be virtually invisible to monitor his property.

J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupted his musing. “If I may be presumptuous, you have no need to worry about your identity being revealed, Mr. Parker. I have no reason to share it with Sir.”

“Oh. Uh, thanks.” Well. That answered that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the day after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so stubborn it took ages to write. But its here now! And I do think it's better for it anyway. I can't promise that the next chapter won't take just as long, but my goal is to update at least once a month, and the chapters will be longer which means more content for you guys to enjoy! so it works out

{Why is it always warehouses? Why can’t the lair be at an arcade or an amusement park or someplace fun?}

[Because they’re not idiots and they don’t want any attention on what they’re doing]

“Boring! Fighting in an amusement park sounds way more fun than wherever this place is.” Deadpool spun in the office chair he was sitting in. Stark had done some weird tech voodoo with the baddie’s phone to find the building he was in, but whoever had been there had already packed up and left. From what Wade could tell, it hadn’t been more than a small, temporary base of operations anyway. He’d taken great pleasure in destroying the things they’d left behind, though. It almost made up for not getting to shoot anybody.

[We should check in with the boss]

{Ugh, no. That guy is suuuuch a draaaag. Actual robots are more fun than he is now that he’s gotten all old and _responsible_ , yuck}

[He’s a superhero, they tend to be somewhat responsible people]

Wade gasped when the best idea came to him, and he hopped off the chair excitedly. “Oh, oh, oh! We should convince Cable to take us back to party with Stark when he was young and stupid!”

{Yes!}

[That sounds like a terrible idea. But kind of fun]

{Duh, ALL our ideas are terrible and fun!}

[But before that we should probably focus on finishing the job we were hired to do]

Wade snapped his fingers and nodded. “Right, protecting the science nerd.”

Protecting someone was a pretty big change from his usual jobs of murdering or stealing, but he was pretty sure he’d done well so far. The guy was still alive, at least. It didn’t hurt that Parker was all kinds of adorable, with messy brown hair and sparkly hazel eyes that were magnified by his old-fashioned glasses.

[I bet he knows why people are after him]

{But he told the boss he didn’t know anything}

[Because it’s a secret, dumbass]

Deadpool grinned. “And everyone knows the best place to keep secrets is under the bed!”

{Yay, snooping!}

* * *

Peter only managed to stay in the too soft bed for a couple of hours before he made his way down to his lab and kept his hands busy by getting a jump on the next day’s work. He messaged May and Mary Jane to check in with them, but he knew they wouldn’t be awake yet and he wasn’t surprised when they didn’t answer right away. Then, when he had done all the lab work he could by himself, he did all the little chores he’d been putting off-cleaning the back of the fridge, finding suspicious unlabeled petri dishes and safely disposing of them (i.e. chucking them into the biohazard container without even attempting to salvage them), going through their computer files and trying to organize the clutter. He was caught up in trying to figure out a spreadsheet with seemingly random numbers sprinkled across that had been unhelpfully saved as ‘ **Thursday’** , when Jen blew into the lab.

“Peter! Oh my god, you’re okay!” She leaned over his chair and wrapped her arms around him. Her ponytail somehow managed to smack him right in the face. “I heard what happened when I came in today.”

So the gossip machine was at work, and the story was spreading around the building. He wondered how much of the version that Jen knew was the truth, but he didn’t feel like asking. He patted her gently on the back until she released him.

“I wasn’t even sure you’d be here today. I’d understand if you needed to take a couple days off. I can steal an intern from Mark to do the dirty work.” She put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him with soft eyes. As well-intentioned as it was, it was the opposite of what Peter wanted.

“I’d prefer to be here, actually. It’s good to have something to focus on.” He gave her a tight smile. She must have thought that he was struggling with post-traumatic stress or something from being shot at, but life-threatening danger was normal for him at this point. Being shut up in the Tower was the thing really making him antsy. At least he could pretend everything was fine as long as he was working.

She nodded. “All right, but you are gonna let me know if you need a break. And I reserve the right to send you home if I think you need it.”

He couldn’t really argue with that, and they both focused on their work. Jen stuck close to him for the next few hours to keep an eye on him. Peter appreciated that she was trying to be thoughtful and supportive, but after spending the early morning by himself her company felt smothering. He took an early lunch and escaped down to the cafeteria, but it was even worse down there. Everyone stared at him and whispered to each other. Some tried to pretend they weren’t watching him even while they glanced at him out of the corners of their eyes. Peter barely managed to stick it out for five minutes before he just grabbed his food and retreated back to the lab. It wasn’t the first time he’d eaten at his desk, so Jen was used to ignoring him while he ate. He checked his phone and saw that Aunt May and MJ had responded to his texts from earlier, both of them asking him what was going on. He wasn’t sure how to explain, so he just tucked his phone away without replying.

Maybe he could treat this whole thing like a vacation of sorts. Letting Stark take care of the group who was targeting him was a viable option. His temporary pad was probably more luxurious than most five-star hotels, and it was free. The last time he’d let someone else be responsible for his problems was over a decade ago, when he’d lived with Aunt May and Uncle Ben. He’d been fifteen when he started doing what he could to take care of his family as best as he could, and not long after that he started shouldering the safety of the whole city. He was more than overdue for a vacation. He could relax and enjoy the luxury of the Tower while he was there. If anything he was going to be well fed when the whole thing was over, what with Stark footing his grocery bill for the foreseeable future. It was a pretty good deal, all things considered.

And he’d be lying to himself if he believed that he would be okay with stepping back from this. A part of him was squirming at just the thought of not taking care of his attackers himself. It hadn’t even been 24 hours and he was going crazy from doing nothing about it so far. He had to find a way to sneak out that night.

When Peter finished eating, Jen told him to use the centrifuge to prepare samples for the next batch of tests. He took advantage of the fact that he didn’t have to focus all of his attention on what his hands were doing so he could try to figure out a plan for escaping. Tony hadn’t come down yet, which Peter appreciated. He didn’t really want to see the billionaire right then, considering what he was thinking.

His biggest problem would be the cameras. If he had any hope to avoid them, it was J.A.R.V.I.S. He thought the A.I. would probably help based on the fact that he was already keeping his identity a secret from Tony, but it wasn’t a guarantee. He was wearing his Spider-Man suit under his clothes; he didn’t want to leave it lying around for Tony to find. If he could get to the top of the Tower then he could swing away as Spider-Man without anyone questioning it. If one of the Avengers caught him he could make up an excuse for dropping by. He was pretty used to coming up with stuff on the fly. But then again, Tony would wonder why Spider-Man had been around in the first place, and it was possible the people after him knew he was a super. It might be smarter to sneak away at night to attract less attention from both his boss and his stalkers. Then he’d make his way to his apartment to check and see if anybody had been there while he’d been gone. Depending on what he found, he could decide his next move.

With a somewhat solid plan figured out, Peter started getting twitchy as the afternoon went on, and Jen ended up sending him home early when he started annoying her with his inability to stay still. “Text me if you can’t come in tomorrow. You’ve got a week to use the freebie I’m giving you,” she said before waving him off.

He waited until he was alone in the elevator and on his way back to his floor to speak. “Hey, J.A.R.V.I.S.?”

“How may I be of service, Mr. Parker?”

“Would you keep it a secret from Tony if I snuck out tonight?” He tapped his fingers against the back of his phone nervously.

“I don’t believe that would be wise.”

Peter bit his lip. “Is that a no?”

There was a brief moment of silence before the A.I. responded. “Sir has full access to all my systems and data banks. However, I will not notify him if you leave the building and will endeavor to keep him from seeking for certain bits of information concerning your whereabouts and your identity.”

Peter breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, J. I owe you big time.”

“Not at all, Mr. Parker.”

With that taken care of, Peter spent the last couple hours of daylight figuring out ways to occupy himself while he waited for nighttime. He took the opportunity to handwash his suit in the bathroom sink because it had been a while and the fabric over his armpits was getting kinda crusty. While it dried, he explored the rest of the floor and snacked on the food he found in the pantry. When the sun finally fully set he was eager to slip out the window, grimacing when the still slightly damp parts of his suit pressed weirdly against his skin. He was wearing a black hoodie and a dark pair of jeans over it, with his sneakers hung around his neck by their laces and his mask and gloves tucked in a pocket. He climbed down, careful to stay in the shadows, and put his shoes on when he was safely down. He called a taxi once he was standing on the sidewalk a block away. It was more expensive than the subway, but it didn’t take as long and he could stay out of crowds that way. He looked around, but he couldn’t find Deadpool. It was possible that he’d been fired after the shooting yesterday, since Peter wouldn’t need a bodyguard if he were going to be staying in the Tower indefinitely. He half expected whoever was after him to jump at the chance they were given now that he had left his safe zone, but he made it all the way to his apartment without being attacked. Hopefully they hadn’t realized he’d left the Tower.

The light in the hallway flickered while he unlocked his front door. He sighed in relief once he was on the other side. He stretched before turning the light on, and then he froze. Deadpool was on top of his table, laying on his side and propping his head up on one hand.

“Hey there, Rapunzel. What are you doing out of your tower?”

Peter sighed and let his arms drop. There went his theory that Deadpool had been fired.

“You don’t seem very scared for someone who found an armed stranger waiting for you in your home.” Deadpool’s tone was light compared to the accusation in his words.

“I’ve seen you before, at the Tower. And a couple days ago you saved me. I figured you were the bodyguard Mr. Stark mentioned earlier.” He deposited his keys in the bowl by the door and kicked his shoes off. He might as well take a chance to relax as much as he could after the two rough days he’d had.

And yeah, okay, he had complained the other day about not getting attention from Wade, but this really hadn’t been what he had in mind. A small voice in the back of his mind that sounded remarkably like MJ was telling him that this was his chance to flirt with the mercenary. He hadn’t really had an opportunity to try yet-with all the stalking and the shooting-but his apartment should give him the home advantage. Unfortunately, Peter was an awkward mess of a human being who had absolutely no idea how to make the most of the situation. It was a wonder he ever managed to convince someone like Mary Jane to marry him at all, even if they had ended up divorced. Now he had a chance to put the moves on the guy he liked, and his nerves were getting the best of him. His mouth decided to take the lead and spit out nonsense the way it usually did when he was nervous.

“Not that I don’t enjoy coming home to buff men splayed across my furniture, but what are you doing here?”

“Just a little recon,” Deadpool said. The mercenary sat up and knocked over the dirty dishes that had been sitting on the table next to him. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, I barely had time to go through anything but your mail by the time you got here. What about you, sugarplum?”

“It’s my apartment. Do I need another reason?” Peter tried to casually lean against the wall, but he wasn’t sure how successful he was. He wished he were wearing his mask. Too much of his confidence was tied up in being able to hide his face.

“When you’re being hunted and Iron Dad has put you on lockdown, yes. I’m not the only one keeping an eye on your place of residence, muffin.”

Peter left the wall and went over to pick up the fallen dishes. “I can take care of myself. And I’m not an animal to be hunted.” Been there, done that.

In a flash, Deadpool had the barrel of a gun tucked underneath Peter’s chin. He made a choked sound in surprise even though he was sure Deadpool had no intention to hurt him. His spideysense wasn’t going off at all, and his mind was more focused on the warmth of Wade’s body pressed close to his. It reminded him of the way Black Cat would press close whenever they would fight. The position actually gave him a bit of inspiration. “Tell that to the guy who had you in his crosshairs yesterday.”

Peter took a deep breath and tried to channel Felicia’s confidence when he pressed forward just enough for Deadpool to feel the challenge. A spark of adrenaline ran up his spine, because even if this was Wade, there was still a hard hand wrapped around his upper arm and a pistol pressed to his neck. He’d bet a hundred dollars that his pupils were dilated. Their faces were close enough that he could feel Wade’s breath against his check, and this was not something that Peter knew about himself but it felt _good_ to be the one pushing this time.

Deadpool’s head tilted the way it did when he was listening to the boxes. “Yeah, he is.”

Suddenly he backed away from Peter, who felt colder from the space between them. His false bravado slipped away, so he focused on the reason he was there in the first place. “I have to go grab something. Stay here, and no more snooping.”

Deadpool ‘awwed’ disappointedly while Peter slipped into his bedroom. He shut the door after himself even though he knew that wouldn’t deter Deadpool if he really wanted to get in. He tended to do the opposite of what he was told, so Peter probably had a few minutes at most before Deadpool got bored and followed him. Quickly, he went to his closet, opened the hidden panel he’d cut into the wall when he’d moved in last year, and sighed in relief. He pulled out a file of papers and a flash drive before he closed it again. Then he grabbed an old, worn duffel bag and started packing some of his clothes so he’d have an explanation for being there, flimsy as it way. Deadpool being there meant that Tony would definitely know that Peter had snuck out, so he needed a cover story. The file got stuck in the back of his pants underneath his shirt and the flash drive was slipped in the toe of his left shoe so anyone with curious fingers wouldn’t find them in his bag. He paused when he spotted the corner of something sticking out from under his mattress. He excavated it and then groaned when he realized what it was.

When he left his room he saw the cabinets in the kitchen were opened with the contents spread out all over the counters, probably in search of the chips Deadpool was eating.

“Did you put a porn magazine under my bed?” Peter asked.

“You’re welcome,” Deadpool said.

Peter crossed his arms. “I thought you said you only had time to go through my mail.”

“Alright, so I may have snooped a teeny bit more than I said before. But you didn’t even have any dirty pictures and you seem kinda tense, so I decided to lend you one of my favorite magazines. I’m charitable like that.” He actually patted himself on the back.

Peter ran a hand over his face because there were no words. His best friend, the man he loved, had broken into his apartment and stashed porn under his bed because he thought Peter needed to unwind, all without even knowing who he was. He was pretty sure his brain was a little broken at this point.

“Well. This has been fun, but I’ve got to go. Please don’t break anything,” he said as he finally convinced himself to just move on. He walked toward the door.

“Hold it right there!” Deadpool flung the chips away. The bag arched through the air dramatically before the contents spilled all over the floor. He pointed at Peter, who paused with one hand on the doorknob. “You’re not going anywhere!”

“What?”

“Without me, I mean. I’m a gentleman, I walk my dates home.”

“This isn’t a date. You broke into my place, looked through my stuff, and ate my food,” Peter pointed out. “Besides, I’m technically already home.”

Deadpool scoffed. “Joke’s on you, that’s how most of my dates go.”

Peter suppressed a smile. “Either way, I don’t need you to walk me anywhere. I got here just fine, and I can get back just fine.”

“Look, miss independent. I’m on a job. A job to keep you safe and take down whoever has it in their head to shoot your pert ass. And Mr. Stank wouldn’t exactly be happy if I let you go around all by your lonesome. So until the bossman says to stop, I’m on you like abc gum.”

Peter grumbled. “Fine.”

Deadpool whistled happily as they left together and started the long walk back to the Tower.

* * *

Tony was waiting for them, expression furious, when the elevator doors opened to deposit them on Peter’s floor. Pepper Potts was standing behind him in casual clothes, but she was still holding the tablet that was always in her hand whenever he saw her.

“Hey, Tin Can. Found a stray you might like brought home.” Deadpool used one large hand to scoop Peter forward and out of the elevator. “I’ll keep you updated if I find anything else!”

Then the doors were closing and the mercenary was gone with a cheery wave and a wink.

Peter glanced at his boss hesitantly and winced when he saw the expression on Tony’s face.

“What. Were. You. Thinking?”

“I needed to go grab some things,” Peter said weakly.

“Really? And what exactly were these things? Were there important enough to risk your life to go get them?”

Peter bit his lip. “I just wanted some of my own clothes.”

The older man practically exploded. “This isn’t a game, Peter! Your life is in danger! There is a group of people who want nothing more than to kill you for some reason that I can’t figure out! If you want to stay alive than you have to stay inside!”

Unsure how to respond, Peter stayed quiet. This seemed to infuriate Tony so much that he opened and closed his mouth wordlessly before throwing up his hands and leaving.

Pepper watched him go before she turned to Peter and gestured toward the couch. “Come sit with me?” she asked.

He followed her over and sat down, placing his duffel bag at his feet.

Pepper put down her tablet and clasped her hands over one knee while she looked at him. “You know, Tony doesn’t invite very many people into the Tower, and even less of them get an invitation to stay. This place is a pinnacle to everything he’s most proud of accomplishing while he’s been in charge of Stark Industries, but more importantly it’s his fort. He designed every inch of this building to withstand almost anything short of an atomic bomb. He vets everyone who works in this building personally-after they go through an extensive screening process, of course. He’s learned to be careful about who he keeps close to him after several disastrous experiences. He’s done everything physically possible to make this the safest place in the world. On top of that, Tony followed your career for a while before you started working here, even back when you were still in school. So please do not take it lightly when I say that my husband is very invested in your safety, Peter. Do you understand?”

Peter couldn’t do anything but nod.

“Good. If you decide that you no longer want to take Tony up on his offer of sanctuary, please inform us. Disappearing like that isn’t very responsible, now is it?”

Peter shook his head.

“Thank you. If you do need to leave the Tower and something happens, you can call this number. It connects directly to J.A.R.V.I.S., who in turn is constantly in contact with both Tony and me. And make sure to get some sleep tonight, Jen is worried about how you’re doing.”

She stood up and left him sitting there without waiting for another reply. Peter put his head in his hands, cursing himself for his bad luck. He should have known his plan would fall apart. They usually did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh the tension rises! I love it when Peter is so awkward that when he compensates he accidentally acts standoffish and rude lol. Next chapter will have more action in it, I promise.  
> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter touches on a sensitive topic. It doesn't get very heavy, but it might make some people uncomfortable. Please check the tags, and if you want a more detailed warning check out the end notes. I know how much it hurts to not have a warning when it could save you a lot of grief.  
> This fic is about having fun watching goofy boys flirt and be awkward. It doesn't focus on any dark themes, but they are implied.

Most people, after an evening of confrontations gone wrong, would write off the rest of the day and try to start over again in the morning. Peter should have gone to bed after Pepper left, especially considering he hadn’t gotten much rest the night before either. But Peter Parker was first and foremost a stubborn dumbass. The fact that he was aware of it didn’t make him any less stubborn and only occasionally stopped the worst of his dumbass tendencies, according to MJ. So he knew it was stupid to sneak out twice in the same night. But the itch under his skin was worse than it had been all day, and he decided the best thing was to burn off stress the way he usually did-going on patrol. There was nothing Tony could say to convince him to stop protecting the city for an indefinite amount of time, mysterious assassins or no. He snuck out through the same window as before, and some of the tightness in his chest finally relaxed as he swung through the night air.

He wore a black hoodie over his suit so the bright colors were less likely to catch anybody’s eye, and he tried to use his webs sparingly since they were easy to recognize. He couldn’t resist the urge to stop by the hospital to check on his aunt. He remembered she was scheduled to work all night. Seeing her through a brightly lit window safely surrounded by people was a huge relief, and when he returned to the Tower later he was able to actually get some sleep.

When he woke up he felt better prepared to deal with the current mystery messing up his life.

“J.A.R.V.I.S.?”

“Yes, Mr. Parker?”

“Tony’s got to have info about the shooting and the guys after me. Is there any chance I could get access?”

“I’m sorry to say that Sir has restricted your access to everything but your work and the entertainment database. I could request that he reconsider on your behalf if you’d like.”

Peter sighed. “No, that’d probably just piss him off even more. I’ll just have to follow the lead I’ve got.”

First, he messaged Jen to tell her that he was taking her up on her offer of a day off, then he worked his way through the files he’d retrieved from his apartment the night before. He refamiliarized himself with the notes he’d made about his powers and the changes his body had gone through after the spider bite. He didn’t completely understand the technicalities, but that was more due to the fact that he couldn’t devote as much time as he wanted toward researching his mutation. He also had some computer files he’d stolen from Oscorp a couple years ago about the experiments they’d done with spiders, but those were also incomplete. He had made sure to destroy whatever intel they’d had while he’d been there, though, so at least they couldn’t create another Spider-Man without having to redo several years’ worth of experiments.

A voice in the back of his mind asked if Harry was behind the shooting, but he dismissed it. If Harry had decided to come after him, he’d do it head on. Still, it wouldn’t hurt for Peter to check up on him. His old friend was still being treated for the illness he’d inherited from his father last Peter knew, but it was possible he’d escaped or had some sort of relapse. The more he thought about it, the more determined Peter was to see how Harry was doing. A visit was overdue anyway.

He stood up after a couple hours hunched over his laptop and stretched out the stiffness in his joints. “All right, I guess it’s time to pound pavement.”

J.A.R.V.I.S. asked, “Mr. Parker, might I request that you not go alone?”

“What, like with a babysitter?” Peter wrinkled his nose.

“Deadpool has been hired as your bodyguard, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to have him accompany you on your outing. You’ve spent a good amount of time working with him the past few years, so I assume you must be comfortable with his presence.”

Peter rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know, J. He doesn’t know who I am.”

“I believe that having him with you would assuage the worst of Sir’s fears.”

The reminder of the night before and the grief he’d caused his boss sent a rush of guilt over him, and it was definitely the reason he agreed so easily. “Yeah, okay. You win,” he said. What was one more tangle in his web of lies anyway?

“I will make the arrangements.”

He felt like a child waiting to be picked up from daycare as he sat in the first-floor lobby. J.A.R.V.I.S. had reassured him that Deadpool was on his way when Peter had come down in the elevator, but it was stressful to not know how long it would take. He wasn’t sure what was worse, agreeing to a babysitter or the curious looks he was getting from the people passing by. Years of being part of the background was all going down the drain because a group of assholes put a spotlight on him, and he couldn’t even walk outside without it being a spectacle. It made him furious and anxious in equal turns.

He distracted himself by checking his phone, and he winced when he saw he had several unanswered calls and texts from both Aunt May and MJ. May would probably still be working, so he decided to answer his ex-wife’s messages first. Guilt almost swallowed him as he read them.

**_Aunt May told me that  
you haven’t been answering   
her calls either. Are   
you gonna explain what you  
were worried about yesterday?_ **

**_Peter Parker, if my life  
is in danger I better know   
why _ **

**_Are you okay?_ **

**_Sorry. I’m fine. The  
past few days have   
just been weird._ **

She replied immediately, and he felt even guiltier when he thought about her waiting with her phone in hand.

**_What’s going on???_ **

**_I think someone figured  
out who I am. They’ve   
attacked me on the   
street once already._ **

**_Omg who  
are they? How did   
they find out?_ **

**_That’s what I’m trying  
to figure out. You should  
be careful over the next   
few days until I can get   
some answers. Who knows   
what their next move is._ **

**_Fine. But you still  
have to talk to your   
aunt. And promise me   
you’ll be careful too_ **

**_I promise_ **

****

Her next messaged made him regret talking to her at all, though.

**_So have you made  
your move on lover boy   
yet?_ **

**_Don’t call him that_ **

**_So that’s a no?_ **

**_Oh look at the time,  
gtg_ **

**_Chicken_ **

Peter grimaced, but he looked up when he spotted a mass of black and red out of the corner of his eye, and he was grateful for the excuse not to reply to MJ.

Deadpool skipped into the building wearing a Hello Kitty backpack. He completely ignored the security guards and the metal detector that went off as he passed through. The guards must have been ordered to leave him alone because they ignored him right back. Everyone else, though, had switched their focus from Peter to Deadpool as he pranced through the crowd. “Woo-hoo! It’s playdate time!”

Peter tucked his phone away as he stood up. “Let’s just go.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Deadpool snapped a salute and marched after Peter as he walked. He gave it up before they made the block, though. It took another block for him to start whining from boredom. “Where are we going? How far away is it?”

“We’re going to visit an old friend of mine,” Peter explained. In order to head off any more questions, he asked one of his own. “So have you and Tony figured anything out about my stalkers?”

The distraction worked. “Nah,” Deadpool answered. “Those fuckers know how to hide. But I’m betting they’ll attack you again soon, and it’ll give us another chance to pin them down.”

It was basic strategy, but effective. Everyone was vulnerable in the moment they attack. “Well don’t let me slow you down when they pop up, because the sooner you nail them the sooner my life gets back to normal.”

Deadpool looked sideways at him. “For a guy that’s supposed to be one of those smart, science-y types, you don’t seem to value your own safety very highly.”

Peter didn’t know exactly how to respond without raising more flags, so he didn’t. They’d almost reached the subway when his stomach rumbled loud enough for Deadpool to hear.

“That means it’s lunch time!” Deadpool took him by the elbow and steered him toward the closest food cart. “Or brunch, whatever.”

“We don’t really have time,” Peter protested. He knew he’d put himself in the position of walking around with an empty stomach, but he’d been too focused on the files to eat anything that morning. Skipping meals had been a habit of his for years, so he was used to going hungry due to his own hyper focus.

“Nope, no choice, we gotta get food. I’m a growing boy, you know.”

“You’re a fully grown man.” Peter rolled his eyes. “We should keep moving if we want to make good time.”

“Oh I’m all man, but I’m definitely a grower, Peter Piper. And I need plenty of fuel for said growing.”

They had almost reached the front of the line, so Peter gave up the argument as lost. “Fine, but you’re paying.”

He asked for two large coffees to go with the sandwiches that Deadpool ordered when it was their turn. He drank the first one while they waited for their food, having stepped aside to let other people order, and finished it before their order was ready. He took a second to dump cream and sugar in the second one before he accepted the two sandwiches Deadpool handed to him. He shoved one in his pocket before unwrapping the other one and taking a bite as they finally stepped down into the subway. They barely made it in time before the train doors close, but Peter didn’t complain because the food in his stomach was really helping a lot to improve his mood.

Deadpool babbled about different brunch foods during the ride, and even got into a very vocal fight with the boxes about whether pancakes or breakfast burritos were better.

“Waffles are my favorite,” Peter said just to mess with him. He took a sip of his coffee to hide his smile while Deadpool sputtered indignantly.

“Petey, you must have been seriously deprived of the good stuff if you think that waffles are the best that breakfast has to offer. Waffles are for people who don’t know how to make good pancakes.”

Peter pulled his second sandwich out with a happy hum. “I don’t know, ‘Pool. I’ve had some pretty good waffles in my day. With whip cream and hot syrup drizzled on top, yum.” He took a bite of his food. “Just talking about it is giving me cravings.”

“That’s it, I’m definitely making you my famous pancakes. They’ll be so good you’ll forget all about this waffle nonsense!”

“All right then. Why don’t you stop by my room at the Tower tonight and show me these famous pancakes of yours?”

Deadpool looked confused. “Uh, what?”

“Unless they’re not as good as you claim.” Peter raised an eyebrow to cover up how nervous he was. _Please say yes, please say yes_.

Deadpool looked at him for a second before he put his fists on his hips and answered. “Them’s fightin’ words, Petey. I bet they’ll taste real good with my pancakes when I shove them back into your face later.”

Peter couldn’t hold back his grin anymore. “We’ll see.”

* * *

Deadpool grew quiet and jittery when they approached their destination. “What are we doing here?”

“I told you, I’m visiting a friend.”

Deadpool’s voice was rough when he asked, “At a mental institution?”

Peter ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, he’s being treated here.” He noticed the stiffness in Deadpool’s shoulders. “You don’t have to come in with me, you know. You could just wait out here.”

Deadpool relaxed a bit. “Yeah, probably best if I keep an eye out for trouble out here.”

“I’ll try not to take too long,” Peter said.

“Don’t you worry about little old me, I know how to keep myself entertained.” He made a crude gesture and winked.

“Please don’t break any public decency laws.”

Deadpool pouted and whined. “Yellow’s right, you nag almost as much as Spidey, jeez.”

“Uh, right. Well, I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Peter escaped into the building before the conversation could go further south. He had to be more careful if he didn’t want Deadpool to figure out who he was.

Inside, there was a young woman sitting behind the desk who looked bored while she clicked the computer mouse.

He walked up to her. “Hi, I’m here to visit Harry Osborn?”

She blinked at him serenely and popped her gum. “Name?”

“Peter.” She raised an eyebrow and it took him a second to realize what she was waiting for. “Parker! Um, Peter Parker. That’s me.”

She turned her heavy gaze back to her computer and he let out a slow breath. His nerves came back when she picked up the phone without saying anything to him. He really hoped she wasn’t calling security.

“Dr. Hamilton? One of your patients has a visitor. Peter Parker. Yes. Yes. Okay.” She hung up. “Through there, the first door on your left.”

“Thanks,” he said. She didn’t even look at him when she buzzed him through.

The room she directed him to turned out to be a common room of sorts. A television was hooked up on the wall high enough that it was out of reach without a stepstool. A few people were sitting on the surrounding couches watching the show that was playing. Peter saw a couple small groups playing cards and board games, and there was a girl in a long-sleeved shirt reading a worn paperback book that was probably from the small bookshelf in the corner. The walls and carpet were a plain color, but bright posters decorated the space and large windows let in plenty of sunlight. Uncomfortably, it reminded Peter of a daycare. Still, it was better than the cements walls and heavy doors he’d been afraid of finding. He looked around but didn’t see Harry anywhere.

“Mr. Parker.” A man in a lab coat approached him. “I’m Dr. Hamilton. I’m in charge of Harry’s treatment.”

“Oh, hi.” Peter shook the hand Dr. Hamilton offered him. “Nice to meet you.”

“I understand you’re here to visit Harry.”

“Yeah. I thought it was overdue that I check in on my friend.”

Dr. Hamilton gave him a friendly smile and tucked his hands into his coat pockets. “Harry’s told me in our sessions that the two of you were quite close. I’m sure he will enjoy seeing you.”

“Yeah. Where is he, anyway?”

“He’s in the garden we have out back. It’s good to let the patients spend time outside, and it helps them to feel less trapped. It can get a little claustrophobic in here sometimes. One of the nurses is letting him know he has a visitor, so he should be here shortly.”

Peter nodded.

“I was hoping the two of us could have a talk sometime. From my understanding, you were one of the people who knew Harry best before his breakdown. Some insight into what he was like when he was stable could help me become better equipped to treat his…unique situation.”

Peter frowned. It seemed like a strange request, but then again he didn’t know much about mental healthcare. He’d do almost anything if it helped Harry. “Sure. I don’t have much time today, but maybe later this week we could get together.”

Dr. Hamilton’s smile broadened. “Wonderful! Just leave your number with Jemma at the front desk and I’ll give you a call to set it up.”

A door at the other end of the room opened to reveal Harry.

“I’ll give the two of you some privacy. It was nice to finally meet you, Peter.” The doctor dismissed himself.

Harry approached him slowly, and Peter took the opportunity to look the other man over. Harry looked almost the same as he had when Peter had finally caught him and turned him over to the authorities. He was thin, with dark circles under his eyes.

Most of the world didn’t know about the Osborns’ connection to the Green Goblin, including Harry himself. His head trauma in their last fight had scrambled his memories pretty good. Peter counted it as a blessing that his friend had an opportunity to move on with his life without having to live with the worst part of his past weighing on him. He’d called in a favor to make sure Harry received the treatment he’d obviously needed, but looking at him now made Peter wonder if it had done his friend any good at all.

Harry gave him a tired smile when he reached him. There wasn’t anything on his face besides honest joy, which Peter would admit was a relief. “Heya, Pete. What’s up?”

“Thought I’d check in with my favorite troublemaker. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten yourself kicked out of this place yet,” Peter teased.

Harry laughed and pulled Peter over to sit at an empty table. “It’s a work in progress. How’s our girl doing?”

“MJ’s doing great. She dumped my ass a while ago, but sometimes I can convince her to let me buy her lunch.”

“You’re lucky she kept you around as long as she did. She was always too good for the two of us.” They both laughed. It made Peter’s chest ache with how much it reminded him of the time they’d spent together in college, before Norman and Gwen’s deaths had come between them.

Then, like a switch had been flipped, something dark washed over Harry’s face. It was startling, and Peter tensed. “So what exactly are you doing here, Pete?”

“I just missed you, Harry.”

“Weird how you didn’t seem to miss me enough to come visit before now.” Harry crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

Peter sighed. “You’re right, I should’ve come to see you sooner. I was just worried that me hanging around would put too much pressure on you or something. I thought time to focus on yourself would be good for you.”

Harry bared his teeth. “Really? Because it felt a whole lot like my best friend ditched me when I needed him the most.”

“I’m sorry. I know I should’ve been there for you.” They sat in awkward silence for a minute before Harry spoke again.

“What were you and Dr. Hamilton talking about?”

Peter shrugged. “He just came over to introduce himself, say hi.”

Harry nodded, and they fell back into silence.

Peter shifted his weight in his chair nervously. “Would it be all right if I started coming by more often? If it’s not too late, I mean.”

Harry’s shoulders dropped as he visibly let go of his hostility. “Yeah. That’d be nice, Pete.”

They gave each other hesitant smiles.

“I should actually get going soon. I’ve got someone waiting for me outside.”

“You convince another pretty girl your worth her time? You dog.” Harry waggled his eyebrows in an attempt at the same teasing he’d done earlier, but it fell somewhat flat.

Peter blushed anyway. “No, they’re just a work friend.”

“They gotta like you a lot to follow you out to this miserable place. I wouldn’t let a chance like that pass me by if I were you.”

Peter made a face instead of replying.

“Next time you better bring me some food, though. You’ve got a lot of kissing up to do, and the meals here are pretty bland. I can’t tell you how much I miss Mick’s fries.”

“You got it. I’ll see you later, Harry.”

“Not too much later, right?”

“Right,” Peter confirmed.

“And you can tell me all about how it’s going with that coworker of yours,” Harry said, but there was doubt in his eyes. Peter vowed to himself that he would make sure to make up for everything and prove that doubt wrong.

* * *

Wade was not good with boredom. Boredom meant thinking, thinking meant remembering, and remembering never led to anything good. The boxes were even worse. When they were left without something to occupy them, they usually started bullying Wade. So he kept himself busy while Peter was gone by trying to figure out why they were there in the first place. He pulled out his phone and checked Facebook. He was staring at a picture of Peter with his arm around Harry Osborn when he reemerged from the building.

{Petey-pie’s got some juicy secrets}

[I wonder if Stark knows about his connection to Osborn]

{I wonder what else he’s hiding}

“Doesn’t matter. We just gotta make sure he doesn’t die over the next few days.” He could see Peter looking around for him. It only took him a few seconds to spot Wade on the roof of the building across the street. Wade jumped down instead of taking the stairs, and he only broke one leg this time.

“That didn’t take too long,” he commented.

“Yeah, but it was important.” Peter offered his arm for support without hesitation. Wade just gave him a weird look and started walking. He ignored the way his foot flopped around. Broken bones never lasted long, so it’d be fixed in less than a minute anyway.

“So where’s our next stop, honcho?”

Peter frowned but followed him. “I was thinking we could do something fun, and maybe while we’re out and about we’ll catch a certain someone attention.”

“Now you’re speaking my language! What do you have in mind?”

“There’s this place I used to hang out since I was in school. It’s been a while since I’ve been there, but it’s one of my favorite places.”

“Ohoho, are you gonna show me where you took your girlfriends back in the day? I’ll have you know I’m a proper lady. I don’t put out for less than five dollars.”

Peter laughed. A spark of recognition lit up in the back of Wade’s mind at the sound, but he was distracted by how pretty Peter’s smile was. The guy had been closed off most of the time Wade had been around him and getting a second smile out of the grump felt like an accomplishment.

“I probably would have taken a girl if I could have convinced one to go with me, but I was never that lucky.” Peter shrugged.

Wade shook his head in denial. “You’re pulling my chain. With those pearly whites and big hazel eyes you musta broken lots of hearts.”

Peter blushed, and Wade couldn’t help but poke one of those red cheeks. Peter pushed his hand away, but he looked so ridiculously pleased from the attention the Wade felt like taking him home and spoiling the shit out of him. Wade winked at Peter, which made the blush deepen delightfully. “So where’s this mystery place of ultimate seduction?”

{Gasp! How could you cheat on Spidey like this!}

[You can’t cheat on someone you’re not dating]

{Excuse you, there’s only room for one special boy in our heart, and we are in a fully committed relationship!}

Peter spoke over Yellow’s indignant shouting. “You’ll see when we get there.”

* * *

“Huh. Of all the places to bring a lady, I really wasn’t expecting a museum.”

“They’ve got a new exhibit I’ve been wanting to check out for a while,” Peter explained. “It’s pretty cool.”

Deadpool shrugged. “If you say so.”

Peter knew it was a risk to bring Deadpool here, but he thought it was a good chance to take advantage of his secret identity and see how Wade reacted to this side of him with minimal risk. It kept him from feeling too vulnerable while sharing one of the only pieces of his uncle that Peter had left.

He’d been eight years old when Uncle Ben had first brought him there. Peter had fallen in love with the place immediately. Science had been a fascination of his from a young age, and his aunt and uncle had done their best to encourage it even when they really didn’t have the money to indulge him. Uncle Ben took him on day trips to revisit the museum several times growing up, and Aunt May never complained when he brought home junk he’d found in dumpsters to fiddle with in his spare time, even when the mess spread from his bedroom to the kitchen table. After his uncle died, the museum became a place he always associated with the man.

Deadpool waited for him while he bought their tickets. Peter took a moment while he was out of sight to take count his breaths and calm his nerves. Having both Harry and MJ tell him to make a move was really making him feel the pressure not to mess up. “All right, I got this. It’s just two dudes hanging out. Alone. At a science museum. I’m only here as bait, so just act casual. I can do that. Okay.”

Deadpool dragged his feet as they entered, but he perked back up when they reached the first exhibit. “Oh-em-gee, Petey! You didn’t tell me this place was practically a playground! I thought museums were supposed to just be boring snoozefests!”

Peter smiled, gratified by the happiness practically radiating off of the mercenary. “Come on, I’ll show you all my favorite exhibits.”

School hadn’t let out yet, so they had the place mostly to themselves. Peter was counting on there being only a few people in the building in case his stalkers took the chance to attack him. Deadpool was absolutely gleeful as he played with everything that caught his eye, but as they spent a few hours exploring the museum nothing happened. Peter wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved. He finally dragged Deadpool out when it started getting too close to three o’clock.

“Come on,” he said. “I’m hungry again.”

Deadpool insisted they pick up Mexican on the way back to the Tower because he was a terrible addict that would be perfectly happy eating only pancakes and tacos for the rest of his immortal life.

“That’s not true. I also eat pizza and ice cream.” Deadpool stuck his nose in the air and Peter shook his head.

“One of the best things about this city is the food. People cook stuff from all over the world here, and you gorge yourself on the same things over and over. It’s such a waste!”

“That’s because Mexican food is clearly superior to all other food. I don’t need to try anything else when I already know what’s best.”

“Poor thing. You’re missing out on so much.” Peter clucked his tongue.

“I guess that means I’ll be the only one enjoying this fine cuisine.” Deadpool waved one of the bags he was carrying, and Peter could smell the mouthwatering spices wafting out of the containers.

“Hold on, let’s not be hasty-“ Peter was interrupted by the sound of a gunshot. Deadpool pushed him down even as he looked around to find the shooter. He’d pulled a large gun out of his backpack and returned fire before Peter could stop him. “Be careful!”

Deadpool ignored him. He grabbed Peter’s hand and started running. Peter only stumbled a little in surprise as he was dragged along.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“To catch ourselves a bad guy, duh!”

“Are you sure I should be coming with you? I mean, shouldn’t I be hiding or running away or something?”

“I am _not_ losing you again. They probably planned for that this time, anyway. Nope, you’re stuck with me.”

Peter sighed in defeat. It’d probably be suspicious if Spider-Man turned up both times Peter Parker had been shot at, but the thought of not being able to take on his attackers next to Deadpool made him itch.

The shooter was gone by the time they reached his perch. Peter wasn’t sure to count it as lucky or unlucky that they’d missed them. Deadpool’s phone rang, and he answered it immediately.

“Did it work? Uh-huh. Whatever you say, bossman.” He hung up and turned to Peter. “Come on. It’s time to head back.”

“But aren’t you gonna go after them?”

Deadpool shook his head. “Stark calls the shots, and he said you need to go back to the Tower.”

“Fine,” Peter agreed reluctantly. He’d have to figure out how to get another chance later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: In this chapter Peter goes to visit Harry in a mental hospital. Wade is uncomfortable and chooses not to go inside. Peter references Norman and Gwen dying in previous conflicts. Wade also mentions the abuse he sometimes receives from White and Yellow, but it's not detailed. Deadpool and Spider-Man content can get pretty dark at times, and this fic stays rather lighthearted compared to canon. Still, I'd rather have an unneeded warning than surprise people who would be uncomfortable without it.
> 
> I've gone over previous chapters and smoothed out some rough bits, but it's mostly the same as before. At this point I don't know if I'm making it better or worse with all the editing this chapter has gone through. I promise there'll be a proper fight before this story is over lol


	5. Chapter 5

Peter was not ashamed to say he went back for the food. Deadpool had protested, but Peter wouldn’t take no for an answer. He’d learned not to be wasteful with food back in high school when his mutation had first kicked in and he’d mowed through the contents of the fridge in a matter of hours. His aunt and uncle had barely been able to keep up with his appetite for the first few days while his body was first adjusting. Now that he lived on his own, the only reason he hadn’t starved was because of the joint efforts of everyone he knew to feed him at every opportunity. It probably wasn’t good for him to binge eat so often, but he really wanted to get a jump on his student loans, and he had at least one large meal a day. He was used to going hungry, and it wasn’t like he was starving. He was pretty sure his metabolism had slowed down a bit after he’d finished growing, so it was probably fine.

Peter was bummed to find their lunch spilled all over on the sidewalk. He sighed before he knelt down and did his best to clean it up while Deadpool talked with someone on the phone. Something shiny caught his eye and he turned and saw a small pile of broken glass surrounding a blue puddle that was soaking into the concrete. He frowned and picked up a piece of the glass. It was curved, like it had been part of a container. Then he spotted the needle tip, and the puzzle pieced together in his mind. He remembered a window shattering at the first shooting, which would have easily masked a broken syringe. Whoever was after him wasn’t shooting to kill-they had something else in mind. He snagged a stray napkin and tried to soak up as much of the blue liquid as possible. Then he stuck it and the largest pieces of glass into one of the plastic bags that had held their food.

“Whatcha doin’ there, Pete?” Deadpool peered over his shoulder to see his hands. Peter grimaced. He’d really hoped he’d be able to keep this a secret.

“I’m gonna take this back to the lab and figure out what they were shooting at me,” he reluctantly explained.

“You mean it wasn’t bullets? Huh. Well, I’m sure two geniuses like you and Tin Can will figure it out no problem.”

Peter turned and looked Deadpool in the eyes-er, mask. “Please don’t tell Mr. Stark about this.”

Deadpool squinted at him in confusion. “He’s kinda my boss right now, Petey. Plus it’d be kinda hard to keep it a secret from him when you’re running tests on it in his tower,” he pointed out.

“Just let me handle it. Please.” He put a hand on Deadpool’s arm as he pleaded.

The mercenary visibly warred with himself for a minute, until a cab screeched to a stop a few feet away. “Fine, whatever. Let’s just get you outta here asap.”

Peter refused to get in the car until everything had been cleaned up and thrown away in the nearest trash can.

“Now is not the time to be a good little Samaritan, it’s the time to run back to our hole and hide like good little mice.” Deadpool practically shoved him into the backseat before climbing in after him. He told the cabdriver, “To Avenger’s Tower on the double.”

“But I thought you were banned, Mr. Pool.”

Deadpool hit the plastic divider between the front and back seats with his fist. “Now, Dopinder! Go, go, go!”

Dopinder panicked and knocked over a trash can as he swerved the car into the road and punched the gas.

“Wait! Slow down!” Peter shouted. He could see the cabdriver’s look of confusion through the rearview mirror, but the car did slow down to a reasonable speed. “Deadpool was exaggerating. We do need to get to the Tower quickly, but it’s not worth a street race.”

“If you say so,” Dopinder said agreeably. “Mr. Pool, who is your distressed friend?”

“Adorable man A meet adorable man B,” Deadpool said tersely. He was distracted looking out the window, and he had one hand wrapped tight around the top of Peter’s arm. His spidey-sense was tingling at the top of his spine, but Peter wasn’t sure if it was because they were being followed or because Deadpool was so tense.

“Nice to meet you, adorable man B!”

It would have been annoying if Dopinder didn’t sound so genuine. “Uh, you too. And you can just call me Peter.”

“So how did you meet Mr. Pool?”

“He’s technically working as my bodyguard right now.”

“Then you are in very safe hands! Mr. Pool is one of the best mercenaries in the world, I’m sure he will-“

Dopinder was interrupted when Deadpool kicked the empty seat in front of him just as Peter’s spidey-sense raced up the back of his neck. It prompted him to look out the window to his left.

“Dopinder, my man, you know you are my sunshine, but can we get less chatter and more vroom-vroom?”

The cabdriver tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “You got it, Mr. Pool.”

The rest of the drive was quiet and awkward, but they made it to the Tower in one piece. Deadpool hopped out and looked around before he let Peter out of the car.

Dopinder called out after them, “Be safe, Mr. Pool and Mr. Peter!”

Before they even made it five feet, Wade was shot in the head. Dopinder screamed. Peter jumped forward to catch him while narrowly dodging the shot aimed at him. His spidey-sense was screaming at him, so he quickly hiked Wade’s body over his shoulder and ran into the Tower. He could smell the familiar scent of Wade’s blood. The security guards inside shouted at him when he came in, but he flashed the ID Tony had given him and went to the open elevator. It closed and started moving immediately once he was inside. He let Wade down and checked out the bullet hole. It was still bleeding, but at least there was an exit wound. There was no telling how long it would be until he came back. It didn’t make much sense, but it never made a difference how injured Deadpool was. Sometimes it took a while, and sometimes it was only minutes before he was completely healed. The fact that he was still bleeding meant that this was probably one of the longer times.

The elevator doors opened onto the floor Peter was staying on. He picked up Wade in a bridal carry and laid him down on one of the couches. He slipped a pillow underneath Wade’s head and made sure he looked comfortable. He couldn’t help brushing a hand across Wade’s cheek before he turned away.

He took the plastic bag he was still carrying into the bathroom, where he used a cotton ball to swab one of the glass pieces. He stashed everything under the sink for later, when he didn’t have a dead body on the couch that belonged to the man he loved.

After he returned to the living room, Peter was startled when Iron Man appeared outside the window, which opened to let him in. The superhero landed inside and stepped out of the suit when it blossomed open around him.

“There you are, Peter. J.A.R.V.I.S. told me you were attacked again outside. Are you holding up alright?”

Peter nodded. “I’m fine. But Deadpool got shot.” He indicated the dead body on the couch.

Tony waved a hand. “He’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’m actually surprised he isn’t walking around already. He’s never really hurt.”

A spark of anger lit in Peter’s chest at the casual dismissal. “That’s not true, though. I couldn’t imagine how much it would hurt to have to live through the kind of stuff that would kill anyone else. I don’t think I could handle that kind of pain.”

Tony tilted his head and crossed his arms. “You know, most people focus on the healing part.”

“Everyone heals. Just because Deadpool heals faster doesn’t justify him getting hurt in the first place.” Peter crossed his own arms.

Tony smiled. “You gotta pretty big heart, kid.”

Peter wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he changed the subject. “They had someone waiting at the Tower to ambush us, and they managed to take out Deadpool so he couldn’t protect me. They barely missed me with their second shot. They might have had two snipers in place from how fast those shots were.”

Tony shrugged. “Maybe. It’s impossible for them to reach you while you’re in here, so they’re probably getting desperate. Don’t worry, I’ve got a plan.” He smirked confidently at Peter. “If nothing goes wrong you’ll be able to get back to your normal, boring life tomorrow.”

Peter forced a smile even as he worried about the other side of that ‘if’. Things had never been that easy for him, and he found it hard to believe his luck would be better this time. Besides, he’d decided yesterday that he wasn’t the kind of man that could accept inaction, and the fact that they’d taken Deadpool down once already meant they were prepared to do it again.

He was distracted from his train of thought when his phone rang. He grimaced when he read his aunt’s name on the caller ID, but he really couldn’t put off talking to her any longer. He tried to sound normal when he answered. “Hey, Aunt May. How’s it going?”

“I’m doing alright, considering how tired I am after doing a double shift at the hospital. I heard you’re not doing so well yourself, kiddo.”

Peter winced. “Sorry, I haven’t been the best at communicating the past couple days.”

“That’s alright, Mary Jane let me know what’s going on. I had David walk me home to be safe, but I found a couple of thugs snooping in my house when I got here. I-“

“I’m on my way.” He hung up, but Tony grabbed him by the shoulders before he could make more than a single step.

“Hold it! Where exactly do you think you’re going?”

“They went after my aunt, I have to go!” He pulled away but Tony followed him as he stalked toward the elevator.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. don’t let him leave! Peter, what are you even planning to do when you get there? She can call the police and they can take care of whatever it is.”

Peter threw Tony a frustrated look. “You know the police won’t be enough to protect her, or else I wouldn’t be here!”

“Then we’ll bring her here!”

That surprised Peter enough to knock him out of his panic. He thought back to what Pepper had told him last night. “Really? I mean, are you sure?”

“It’s not like we don’t have to space,” Tony said. “Am I supposed to not care if your old lady gets kidnapped? I’m not that heartless. Besides, this will all get resolved tonight, so it’ll only be one night anyway. It’ll be more like a sleepover than anything.”

Peter grinned. “You’re the best, Mr. Stark.” He pulled the protesting scientist into a hug.

“Oh my god, stop! You’re gonna give me cooties, ew.”

They were interrupted by the groans coming from the couch. “Ugh, what did I miss?”

Tony shrugged out of Peter’s arms before Deadpool could see. “Good timing. I need you to go on a fetch quest.”

Deadpool stood up and cracked his neck. “Am I going after the big boss now?”

“Actually I need you to get Peter’s grandma and bring her here safely. You’d think I was running a shelter,” he grumbled, but Peter wasn’t fooled. The man was a big softie.

“May is my aunt,” he corrected. “And I’m going, too.”

They both looked at him like he was crazy. “Okay, now I know you’re insane. It was one thing to be sneaking around, but going out less than twenty minutes after being attacked is ridiculous,” Tony said.

“They’d never see it coming! Besides, I need to go, she's my aunt!”

“Don’t you worry, Peter piper, I’ll take care of it,” Deadpool reassured him.

He scoffed. “What are you gonna do, kidnap her?”

Deadpool shrugged. “If that’s what it takes.”

“You can’t kidnap my aunt!”

“You’re not coming.” Deadpool flicked him on the forehead.

“That’s what she said.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, and Peter scowled as he rubbed at the sore spot on his forehead. Deadpool giggled, and some of the tension on the room dissipated.

Tony was pinching the bridge of his nose. “Peter, you’re staying. Deadpool, the sooner you leave the sooner you get back. Go, now.”

“I’ll be back in a jiffy!” The mercenary left before Peter could stop him.

“Damn it,” he groaned. “Something terrible is gonna happen, I just know it.”

Tony clapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry so much, kid. As ridiculous as he acts, he always gets the job done.”

Peter sighed. He knew Tony was right, and that everything would probably be fine with Wade there to protect May, but he couldn’t help but worry.

Tony’s phone went off several times in a row, and he grimaced. “I gotta go, kid. I’ll come by and check on you later, make sure you’re not going crazy up here.”

He stepped back into the Iron Man suit that had been waiting on standby and flew out the way he came. Peter felt weirdly lonely now that the other two had left. He decided to give himself a distraction. He couldn’t go to the lab until Jen had left, but maybe…

“Hey, J? Is there an empty lab somewhere in the Tower I can use?”

“May I inquire as to why you are in need, Mr. Parker?”

“I’ve got some samples I need to test in private,” he explained.

“There is a lab on floor twelve that should serve your purpose.”

Peter smiled. “Thanks, J.”

“Are you certain you don’t want to inform Sir? I’m sure that he would be happy to assist you.”

“Depends on what the sample turns out to be,” Peter replied. He retrieved the bag from underneath the bathroom sink and stepped into the elevator. When the door opened on the twelfth floor, he found it completely empty. Most of the lights were off, and it was more than a little creepy.

“What’s going on here, J?”

“This floor and the two above are off limits to the rest of the employees because floor thirteen was recently fumigated.”

“Oh. Uh, is it safe for me to be here?”

“This area was declared safe a few hours ago, so you should be fine. It’s only off limits as an extra precaution. The employees who usually work on this floor will return tomorrow, but for now you have the place to yourself.”

“If you say so.”

The air only smelled a little weird, so he decided to trust J.A.R.V.I.S. The lab he was directed to wasn’t as nice as the one he worked in with Jen, but the equipment worked and that was what was important. It was possible he’d been a little bit spoiled since he started work for Stark Industries. He still went dumpster diving for parts for his laptop, though, so he wasn’t that much of a snob.

Once he isolated the blue fluid and ran tests, it became apparent that it was a sedative designed for mutants and super-powered people. It was strong enough that it might be able to take out the Hulk. If he’d had any doubt that the ones after him didn’t know that he was Spider-Man, it was gone now. And if they had access to sedatives of this caliber, he didn’t want to know what they wanted to do with him once they had him.

His thoughts were interrupted when his phone rang. He pulled it out and stiffened when he saw May’s name displayed on the caller ID.

* * *

Peter had been pouting when Wade left, which had been so adorable it made Wade want to tease him into making that face all the time. As he walked, he responded to the frantic texts from Dopinder confirming that he was fine and he didn’t need to worry, yes he would stop by the bar later.

He didn’t have any trouble finding the address Stark had given him. The porch was decorated with several flowerpots, and neat bushes framed the steps up to the door. It was obviously a beloved home that was well taken care of. He rang the doorbell twice and knocked three times for good measure.

The woman who answered the door was younger than he had expected, but she had a nurturing vibe that made him understand why Stark had called her a grandma. She was smiling, which made the laugh lines around her eyes crinkle endearingly. “Hello there, young man. Is there something I can help you with?”

“I’m looking for May Parker. That you?”

“That’s me,” she said sweetly.

“Great! Come with me.” He reached out to grab her arm and was met with a shotgun barrel shoved in his face.

“Now that’s not very polite of you. I think it’s best that you state your business, then leave. I’m feeling pretty tired, so my finger’s feeling a bit twitchier than normal.”

{Scary}

[What a woman <3]

{Yeah, it’s pretty hot}

Wade rubbed the back of his neck. He’d really messed up. But after all the fuss Peter had put up, he’d thought the guy’s aunt was some frail old lady. He wasn’t expecting a spitfire to be waiting for him. “Sorry. Peter sent me to take you to the Tower. Can we go now?”

“You expect me to believe my nephew sent a mercenary to my front door without an explanation?”

“I mean when you put it like that it sounds suspicious, but it’s true! You can call him and check.”

“You know, I think I will.” She nudged the end of the barrel against his shoulder hard enough that he took a step back. “Be a good boy and wait for me down those steps, hands where I can see them.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Wade kept his hands up as he backed away. Once he made it far enough she used one hand to pull out a cell phone while using the other to keep the shotgun pointed at him. He wondered how a sweetheart like Peter was related to this ruthless woman.

{What are you talking about? They have the same grumpy face, look}

“Hello, Peter? Did you send one of your friends to my house? Oh, I see. Yes, I’m fine. Just remember for next time. Well I would have told you that everything was taken care of if you hadn’t hung up on me earlier. I’ll tell you about it when I get there. Yes, I’ll see you soon, dear. Love you.”

She hung up and set down her gun. When she turned back to Wade she was smiling again.

“I’m so sorry about that misunderstanding. Why don’t you come in for a minute? Have you eaten lunch yet?”

“No, ma’am. But we should get going before it’s too late.” He was a bit hesitant as he climbed the stairs again, but May ushered him inside like nothing had happened.

{Sweet and sour, best of both worlds}

[I wonder if Peter’s got a secret scary side like his aunt]

{They’ve got the same smile, too. Did you see?}

[I didn’t realize you liked the little scientist so much]

{I’m a fan of all cutie-pies}

She seated him at the kitchen table with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk.

“You eat those while I pack a night bag for the trip. I’ll be back in a minute.”

She disappeared upstairs before he could say anything else.

“Well, I am hungry.” He shrugged and ate the food. The cookies were delicious, and he finished them in no time. For lack of anything better to do he cleaned his dishes. May returned, carrying a small bag.

“You didn’t have to do that, but thank you. Here, hold these.” She pulled a couple of large casserole dishes out of the freezer and handed them to him. “All right, we’re ready to go.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The old woman didn’t falter at all as they made their way to the Tower. Wade had to split his attention between watching her and keeping an eye out for trouble. A pickpocket managed to slip past him while they were waiting on the subway, and he made a grab for May’s bag. Without any hesitation, she stomped on his foot and used her bag to smack him in the stomach. The pickpocket bent over, gasping for breath.

[That’s my girl]

{She could give Betty White a run for her money, that’s for sure}

[Hell yeah she could]

“You’re usually the box that hates everyone,” Wade muttered.

[I’ve actually got good taste, unlike you two]

Then, like a ridiculous person, May gently pulled the breathless man over to a bench and helped him sit down. She pulled a bottle of water out of her bag. He gave her a confused look when she held it out to him, but he accepted it. Then she smacked him on the back of the head. “If you had any sense you’d stop pulling stupid stunts like this.”

Both Wade and the man were too stunned to say anything as she returned to the edge of the platform. Wade followed once he managed to pull himself back together.

{You know, she kinda reminds me of someone}

[You mean her nephew]

{No, someone else}

[Like who?]

{Someone who’s strict but kind, strong yet gentle, who’ll give anyone a second chance, including a sicko like us}

“That does sound familiar,” Wade agreed.

“What’s that?” May asked.

“Oh, the boxes were just talking about how you remind us of someone.”

“Who is that, dear?”

Wade scratched his head. “You know, its’ on the tip of my tongue but it’s almost like I’m not allowed to say.”

“Then I suppose there’s no use trying to figure it out.”

“I suppose,” he echoed. It still bothered him, though.

Peter was waiting for them when they reached his floor. The Parker’s hugged as soon as they were in arm’s reach of each other.

“Thank goodness you’re safe,” Peter said. “What happened to the guys in your house?”

“The police picked them up.” May pressed a kiss to the top of Peter’s head. “Your friend took very good care of me.”

{I’ve got a hunch she took care of them long before the pigs got there}

Peter pulled away from her and shot Wade a bright smile that set off butterflies in the mercenaries stomach.

J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupted the little family moment, and Wade told himself he was relieved to escape all the feelings. “Pardon me. My Dope-Ass Fresh Prince, Sir is trying to reach you.”

“Oh!” May exclaimed.

“My apologies, Ms. Parker. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“That’s alright, I was just a little surprised. I’m sorry to say I don’t know your name.”

“I am J.A.R.V.I.S.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Jarvis.”

“It is my pleasure.”

“That’s my cue. I’ll have to take a raincheck on those pancakes, Peter piper.” Wade gave finger guns to the Parker’s, who were each giving him a disappointed face.

“Here,” May said. She gave him one of the casserole dishes. “We’ve got plenty, and a strong man like you needs a good meal to give you strength before a fight.”

Wade smiled. “You’re officially my favorite old lady, mayflower.” He turned to leave.

“Wait!” Peter shouted, and Wade turned around yet again.

{Ugh, I’m getting dizzy. What’s with all the turning?}

“I need your number. So we can reschedule.”

“Sure, here.” He pulled out a card and handed it to Peter. “Whether you’ve got a craving for awesome food or you need something taken care of, I’m your man.”

“Cool. I’ll call you.” He ducked his head all adorable-like. Wade was gonna miss all the cute blushing Peter did.

“Do that.” Wade waved as he walked away.

“Be safe!” May called after him.

Stark was upstairs, tapping his foot impatiently. “It’s about time,” he grouched. “How long does it take to grab an old lady and go?”

Wade snorted. “That question just proves that you’ve never had to convince May Parker to go anywhere.”

Stark just rolled his eyes. “Are you ready to go or what? The tracker’s been stationary for a while. I think we’ve finally found their hideout.”

“Aw, you waited for me? What a gentleman!” Wade simpered.

“Shut up.” Stark threw a smartphone at him. “That’s got the GPS signal on it. Don’t lose it. Cap’s bothering me about a mission I should have left for twenty minutes ago, so I’ve got to go, but I expect you to message me if something goes wrong.”

“Sir yes sir!” He snapped a salute. He glanced at the phone screen and cheered. “This is gonna be so _awesome_!”

* * *

Aunt May didn’t let Peter stare after Deadpool for too long. “Come on, you need to show me around.”

“I should go with him.” He couldn’t hold back the worry in his voice.

She pulled him into her arms, a wry smile on her lips. He became taller than her when he was fifteen, but when he curled around her he always felt safer, as ridiculous as it sounded. “You get all that worry from me, you know, even if we’re not blood-related. You can’t rescue someone unless they’re in danger, and it’ll take at least a little while for him to get into trouble.”

Peter sighed. “You’re right. Let me help you put your things away.”

He helped her settle into the room next to his, showing off how great the place was.

“That’s nice, dear,” she said when he pointed out the waterfall shower. “So when were you going to tell me you were dating Deadpool?”

He felt his face burn hot. “I’m not dating him! We’re just friends!”

“Do you want to be?” she asked mildly.

“I-“ he closed his mouth, not sure what he was going to say. He didn’t really want to admit to his aunt that he was in love with someone who was infamous as an insane murderer. Deadpool’s reputation made his look like sweetness and roses, and the fact was that it was well-earned even if he’d changed over the past few years.

May continued, “You should bring him the next time you come over for dinner, introduce us properly.”

Peter smiled, pleased. He should have known better than to doubt her. “Wade really likes Mexican food.”

“I’ve got a recipe for enchiladas from Roberta that I’m sure he’ll love.”

They returned to the kitchen and ate the casserole May had brought with her. She refused to let him run off until after he’d eaten. “I bet you’ve hardly eaten at all today.”

“I had breakfast,” he grumbled, but he didn’t mention that he’d only eaten because Deadpool had practically twisted his arm that morning.

“Mhm. I meant what I said about eating before a fight. You’re going to need your energy.”

“Yes, Aunt May.”

When they were done, Peter gave his aunt a pleading look as she gathered the dishes. “You can go now,” she said.

He grinned and hopped up to give her a kiss on the cheek before he went to his room to change.

“J, has Deadpool left the Tower yet?”

“He left approximately an hour ago.”

“Where is he headed?”

“I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to tell you, Mr. Parker.”

Peter sighed. It’d be harder without J.A.R.V.I.S.’s help, but he was used to making do. He’d always managed before.

“If I may say so, I believe the best course of action would be to trust Sir to handle this matter.”

“If I did that I wouldn’t be Spider-Man.” Peter finished pulling on his gloves and made his way over to the window and slid it open. “Don’t worry, J. I’ll catch up with Deadpool and we’ll take down the enemy together, just the way we always do.”

“Please remember that you can call if you need assistance at any time, Mr. Parker.”

“You’re the best, J.” Peter said. He threw up a peace sign as he leapt into the open air.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the climax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter gets darker than the rest of this story. I'll stick a warning in the end notes again just in case anyone needs it, but again it's relatively light and brief compared to how dark canon can get for these characters

Peter called Deadpool as he swung away from the Tower.

“I’m a little busy, Webs,” the other man answered.

“Do you need backup? I could head over to where you are,” Peter offered.

“No can do, baby boy. I’m on a job, which means I gotta do this solo. I should be free tomorrow, though.”

“Oh. If you’re sure…”

“I’ll make it up to you later. Don’t get in too much trouble while I’m not there.”

Deadpool hung up, and Peter grimaced. He had another option, but it would have been easier to just get Wade to tell him. He landed on a random rooftop and did his best to find out where Deadpool’s phone was through its GPS. It took longer than he hoped with since he was better with an actual keyboard, but he made it work. He frowned when he saw the location, but when he tried again it showed the same result. He tucked his phone into the top of his sleeve before he started swinging again to see what exactly was waiting for him.

* * *

Wade crammed another hot dog into his mouth, moaning happily.

[I can’t believe you stopped for something as stupid as hot dogs]

{I can’t believe Nathan’s was unlocked! Chances like this don’t happen every day}

“You can’t go to Coney Island and not go to Nathan’s! It’s _illegal_.”

[Everything we do is illegal]

{Exactly!}

He threw the crumpled wrapper away and immediately bit into another hot dog. He cradled more in one arm as he walked through a cluster of carnival games bursting with crappy stuffed animals. In the distance, the various rides stretched up like a giant playground. Colorful signs proclaimed the names of the metal behemoths. _Thunderbolt_ , _Electro Spin_ , and _Steeple Chase_ were framed with round lightbulbs that would light up the bright colors when lit, but depressingly, the park was completely dark and silent.

{God, this is boring}

“You’d think an amusement park would have people in it. It’s not even that late,” Wade complained around his mouthful.

{You know, I can’t remember the last time we saw the park lights on}

[There was a sign, dumbasses. They’re remodeling so they can expand the water park]

{They better not get rid of the Wonder Wheel. I’m holding out hope that we’ll have our romantic moment with Spidey up there, like in a movie<3}

[That’s never gonna happen]

{Hey! I was right about the amusement park wasn’t I?}

“Yeah, that’s right! If we get to have an awesome fight here, maybe I’ll get to have a happily ever after with my one true love!” He threw his arms in the air, scattering food everywhere.

[Can’t fight with people who aren’t here]

“Then let’s go find them!” He knew just where to look.

He skipped happily down the road, going underneath the ferris wheel and past the arcade games to the giant sign that said Spook-a-Rama. There was a woman smoking a joint outside, but it was easy to knock her out and pocket the rest of her stash for later. The train cars had been dumped at the entrance, and the shadows looked especially ominous with the decorations around the building peeking out of the darkness. Wade pulled a flashlight out of his belt and stepped onto the track.

{Creepy}

[We’ve seen worse]

{Don’t jinx us!}

[Like our luck can get any worse]

Wade ignored the boxes in favor of moving closer to a glint of light that caught his eye. He pointed his flashlight up so he’d have enough light to keep from tripping, and he could make out the door that the light was coming from. He turned his flashlight off when he got close enough to hear muffled voices. He hushed the boxes and pressed an ear to the door.

“You idiots are lucky I’m taking my own steps to secure the specimen. You’ve had several chances handed to you on a silver platter, and you’ve screwed them all up!”

“I’ve told you that your weird-ass tranqs shoot different than bullets! I don’t exactly see you hitting bullseyes with ‘em. Listen, I’ve been practicing, and I’m sure I can hit the little bastard next time.”

“And what exactly have you been practicing with? Are you wasting my serum shooting at trees? That stuff isn’t cheap!”

“Well how else am I supposed to figure it out?”

“Not by wasting thousands of dollars of my work!”

There was the sound of several things crashing, and one of the men cried out. “What’s the big deal about this guy anyway? You got plenty of samples here!”

“These mutant freaks aren’t enough, I need Parker’s blood if I want to finish the formula. I’ve already made arrangements to dispose of these useless things.”

{Is that garbage fuck saying what I think he’s saying}

[It’s been a while since we killed something, disposing of a piece of shit like this guy is a great way to break the fast]

Wade took a few steps back and kicked the door open while he pulled out Bea and Arthur, exposing a room full of his nightmares. There were men and women tied to gurneys with tubes coming out of them. Most of them were unconscious, but one of them had his eyes open. He watched two other men in the corner arguing while he cried silently. Wade was furious. “And it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to play, I’m _starving._ ”

He grinned and swung his swords to the familiar sound of screams.

* * *

Peter landed on the roof of Nathan’s, then he paused and looked around. The whole park looked abandoned. He checked his phone again before he climbed down. He stayed in the shadows and kept an eye out for traps as he walked through the park. He wished that coordinates were more specific, because it was going to take ages to search the whole place. He decided to take inspiration from one of his favorite games, and he climbed to the top of a ride called Zenobio so he could see more of the area at once. He may or may not have done this before in the city. It was surprisingly effective in real life, okay?

The roads divided the park into sections, the beach a long pale strip that ringed the whole island. Peter scanned over the different attractions, trying to spot anything that stuck out or other people who might be hanging around. The rides threw weird shadows over everything that made it harder to see the park clearly. Still, it was better than searching on foot. An explosion underneath the Wonder Wheel caught his attention, and what he saw when he turned toward it made his blood run cold.

Deadpool was hanging off the bottom of Green Goblin’s glider wrapped in metal cable while the villain flew straight up into the sky.

“Harry! Wade!” He desperately waved both arms to catch their attention. “Hold on!”

The villain immediately turned toward him and waved while Deadpool tried to get free with the sword he was still holding. Peter wondered what happened to his other sword.

“Spider-Man!” Goblin shouted at him. “How heroic of you to come to the rescue! Thank you so much for making it easier for me to get what I need. Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait your turn. I need to deal with this nuisance first.”

“Wait, Harry!” Peter did his best to catch up with the Green Goblin as he flew away. An amusement park wasn’t as easy to websling in as the skyscrapers in the city. “What happened? You seemed like you were doing fine earlier!”

“What the hell is going on? Do you know this slimeball, Webs?” Deadpool asked angrily.

“I’ll explain later, but we have to stop him!”

“What the hell do you think I’ve been doing, having tea with the guy?!”

“Just help me stop him! And no killing!”

“After what I saw, I’m not gonna promise anything. Even to you, baby boy.”

Peter frowned. “What-“

Before he could finish his question, Green Goblin twisted in the air, and Deadpool was flung straight into one of the seats of the _Thunderbolt_. He pressed a button on a remote he pulled out of a pocket, and the ride’s restraints locked in place around the mercenary before the cars started moving, slowly picking up speed.

“Pork and beans, pork and beans!” Deadpool protested. “Don’t safe words mean anything to you? Red! Pineapple!” His shouting grew faint as he was carried away.

“Stop this, Harry, please! Let me help you!” Peter begged.

Harry turned to Peter and threw his arms out while he cackled. “Poor boy, so confused. Don’t you realize what’s going on, stupid boy?” He reached up and pulled his mask off, leaving Peter speechless. Dr. Hamilton continued taunting him. “Your pathetic friend wouldn’t have been able to accomplish everything I’ve been doing. I’m just one step away from perfecting Osborn’s formula. With all of the resources, all of his money, he never achieved what I have! His notes were almost useless, but I’m used to picking apart the ramblings of crazy men like him. All I need is your blood to figure out how to stabilize it.”

“How’d you even manage all this anyway?” Peter asked once he found his voice again.

Hamilton pressed another button, and the rest of the park came to life around them. “Secrets are a much more effective currency than money, and they’re pretty easy to come by in my profession. They got me the perfect workspace, and the perfect patient to get the information I needed. I had to pull a few strings, but once Harry was put in my clinic everything else fell into place. The boy never realized he’d been delivered right into his enemy’s hands. And it’s all thanks to you, Peter!”

Peter gritted his teeth. “Don’t worry, he’ll be out of your reach soon.”

Hamilton shrugged. “He’s outlived his usefulness either way. I was going to use him to draw you in, but it’s too late for that now. If I were you I’d be more worried, though. Out of my care he’s more likely to remember the truth. Is that what you want, Peter? For him to remember all your dirty little secrets?”

“What would you know about it?”

“You’d be surprised.” Hamilton smirked.

“I think I’ve had enough of your bragging!”

Peter backflipped off of his perch and launched himself at his enemy, who dodged and threw a bomb to meet him. Peter snagged it with a web and flung it back, but Hamilton was already moving, flying straight down on his glider. Peter immediately let himself drop, twisting so he was directly above the villain and aiming another webshot. Hamilton dodged, and Peter used one of the supports to swing after him.

They threw projectiles at each other as Peter chased Hamilton across the park, weaving between the rides. The bright, flashing lights and loud noises were hell on his enhanced senses as he tried to stay focused on his mobile target. Hamilton navigated through the chaos easily while Peter followed. One of the rides clipped his leg while he was distracted, and he could hear Hamilton laughing as the pain lanced up his leg. The next thing he knew, a net made of steel cable wrapped around Peter, trapping his arms against his sides and dangling him from underneath the glider like Deadpool had been earlier. Before he could try anything, he was swung onto a seat shaped like a horse, where even more restraints closed around him. The coaster started moving immediately.

He struggled to free himself while Hamilton gloated. “Look how easy it is to pin down one little bug. Why is everyone else so incompetent?”

“Oh come on, am I the only person who knows that spiders aren’t bugs? I thought most of you guys had doctorates,” Peter complained. He heard the metal groan around his arms before it gave way, and he hopped off his plastic steed. He let himself fall for a second before he shot a web onto the underneath of the track and used his momentum to slingshot himself back up. Hamilton had already shot another steel trap at him, but this time Peter was ready to dodge.

Hamilton didn’t seem put out by his escape. On the contrary, he looked delighted. “Incredible! Do you have any idea how much that kind of strength can you when it’s properly applied? Really, it’s wasted on you.”

“Sorry, but there’s no refunds on superpowers. Maybe try Macy’s,” Peter suggested as he swung away.

Hamilton chased him after him. Peter had a vague idea on how he could stop him, but it relied heavily on luck, which wasn’t exactly his best stat. He only hoped that the way he was leading the chase wasn’t obvious as he used Hamilton’s strategy against him.

Once Peter reached the Wonder Wheel, he started climbing up. He flipped through the metal supports as quickly as he could manage while making sharp turns and twists to dodge the mix of bombs and traps that were thrown at him.

“How many of those things does he have anyway?” he complained as he evaded them.

Wiry claws clanged against metal, just barely missed Peter’s thigh, but he forced himself to stay focused and keep moving. _Go faster_ , he told himself. Goblin maneuvered easily between the support structures with the help of his glider. Peter let his instincts control how he moved between the beams while he tried to keep his distance from the villain. The exchange turned into a strange dance around the circumference of the wheel, and Peter felt alarmingly similar to a hamster while it spun around them. He threw his webs everywhere, trying to build a net with them while he hoped that it just looked like he was just playing keep away, but Hamilton noticed the trap before he could finish it. He used a dagger that popped out of one of his arm guards to cut through the synthetic spider silk.

“Pathetic,” he sneered.

The swath of web that he cut fell away, revealing Peter, who was coming straight at him feet first.

Peter landed a kick that threw Hamilton off his glider and directly into one of the metal cages that swung around them. He closed it and bent the locking mechanism so it couldn’t be opened without either superstrength or the jaws of life.

“Gotcha, creep!” He looked at Hamilton upside down through the space between the bars. “I’m gonna have to put you in time out for both our sakes. If you stay put like a good boy I’ll give you a snack later.”

Hamilton bared his teeth in a snarl. “I was going to be merciful, but now-“

“Now I’m going to suffer because I’ve made you angry, blah blah blah, I’ve heard it a million times. Sorry, dude, you’re not special.” Peter shrugged while he changed out the almost cartridges in his webshooters for full ones. “On the bright side you’ll probably be able to make plenty of friends in prison, maybe even form a club or something.”

“I’ll show just how big of a mistake your making, boy.” Hamilton pulled a syringe out of a hidden compartment of his armored suit, and Peter quickly moved away. But instead of trying to get Peter with it, Hamilton stuck the needle into his own neck and depressed the plunger. His eyes rolled back as he started to jerk around uncontrollably.

“What was that? What did you do?” Peter clung to the side of the cage. “Hamilton, what is happening?!”

The other man’s fit ended, an unnerving giggle coming out of his mouth. “What’s happening? I’m gonna show you what I’ve achieved with my months of research! Look at me!”

He opened his eyes to reveal that they had turned a green so bright it was practically neon and spread his arms out. “All my time spent researching mutations has led me to this moment! All I need is your DNA, and it will be complete! I am the true Green Goblin!”

He tore the door open with his hands, and it screeched from the abuse. The mangled metal slab fell to the ground. The glider came back to hover in front of him, and Green Goblin stepped onto it. The villain started lobbing more bombs at him, and Peter was forced to swing away.

“On the bright side,” Peter told himself, “This isn’t the weirdest fight I’ve had. Insane scientists are actually normal for me, so this will all probably turn out fine.”

A wayward bomb made a car fly off of the ride it was attached to and crashed into the next one over. Metal debris flew everywhere, pelting the both of them and making small cuts all over Peter’s body. Before, the chase had felt like most of the others Peter had been involved in with members of his rogue’s gallery. Hamilton had used strategy to try to trap him. Now, Green Goblin acted irrationally; he threw explosives carelessly, like he didn’t care about what he destroyed in the process.

Peter flinched when the screech of metal overcame the sound of pop music. His spideysense screamed at him, and he barely managed to dodge the large sign that came flying at him. The image of a grinning face seared itself into his mind before it smashed into a ride that had a large target on the end of it.

“Bullseye!” Goblin cackled.

They’d almost reached the end of the park at this point, and Peter was running out of rides to climb. The Green Goblin had successfully herded him to the edge of the island that bordered the ocean. At least he’d been able to lead Hamilton away from Wade. It was time to bring him down, or he’d be stuck with nowhere to go.

He bounced off of the Electro Spin sign to meet Green Goblin in the air, who was too surprised to block his punch. The mask broke into pieces, and he could see Hamilton’s angry snarl as his nose started bleeding.

Peter shot a web to the underside of the glider to swing back up and land a second hit, but this time Goblin was ready for him. The dagger popped out of his armguard again, and Hamilton used it to stab Peter in the shoulder. Peter stuck his fingertips to the arm to keep from falling.

“Don’t worry, little spider. Your DNA won’t go to waste. There’ll be plenty to scrape off the pavement for me to work with,” Green Goblin said with a manic giggle.

Peter couldn’t hold back a groan as he forced the other man to pull the blade back out. Then he used his toes to get a grip on the glider and threw Hamilton off. The glider followed it’s master down with Peter still hitching a ride. He shot several webs in the hopes of wrapping Goblin up, but the villain just roared and ripped through the gummy substance before he threw a bomb to blow up in Peter’s face. He dodged instinctively, losing his ride in the process. Goblin got his footing back on it a moment later. Peter tried to regain control and shot a webstrand to reconnect, but Hamilton grabbed the end and used it to jerk him closer and grabbed him by the throat with the other hand.

Sickly green eyes glared at him up close, and Peter wrapped his hands around the arm holding him up. “I’m getting tired of your running around.”

Goblin’s free hand went to Peter’s wrist. Before he could stop him, one of his webshooters was broken and Hamilton was reaching for the other one. Quickly, Peter shot a glob of web into his eyes and pulled out the knife he’d pocketed a few days ago. He hated using weapons, but he was desperate enough to do something drastic. A flick of his wrist, and it lodged into the glider’s engine. With a mechanical whine and a puff of smoke, they started falling.

Hamilton clawed at him and spewed insults as Peter used his remaining webshooter to cocoon the villain until it was thick enough to hopefully withstand his superstrength. Unfortunately, they were now too far away from most of the rides for him to use to slow their fall. With not so deep regret, Peter let Hamilton take the brunt of the fall when they landed on the Cyclone’s tracks.

“Disgusting insect!” Hamilton was practically foaming at the mouth with fury. “I’m gonna crush you, little spider, and you’ll realize just how superior I am. I’m the Ultimate Green Goblin, and this is my origin story!”

Peter shut him up with another webshot. “Sorry, what was that? I can’t hear your crazy, your mouth is full.”

He stood up and checked his shoulder. It felt like the dagger might have hit bone. He used some webbing to staunch the bleeding. He saw the glint of light on metal in the corner of his eye, and he looked down to see that Hamilton had cut one arm free and was already pressing the largest button on his remote. Peter used a web to pull it away, but it was too late. There was an explosion below, and the rollercoaster started falling apart.

“Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!” Peter tried to grab Hamilton to carry him somewhere safer, but the tracks collapsed underneath them. A chunk of debris blocked the web he tried to use to drag the villain back, and then Peter had to focus on not being buried alive.

Screws and rusted shards pelted him as the it all broke apart, and he used the largest pieces of debris to propel himself further up. Everything else was too far away for him to use for leverage, and he could hear high pitch laughter as he struggled to climb. A part of him thought it was fitting that he’d die by falling, but he pushed the dark thoughts away because he _really_ didn’t have time for that. He tried to twist around, hoping he could maybe make his landing softer with his webs, but then he saw a spike of metal spearing up from the wreckage. Peter was relieved that it supported his weight when he latched onto it. It probably took less than a minute for the wreckage to finally settle, but it seemed to take on for ages for it to finish crashing down. The cold night air helped clear the panic from his mind when it was over.

“Spidey!” The shouting drew his attention down to where Deadpool was running up to him.

Peter carefully climbed down to meet him. “I’m fine, but Dr. Hamilton is somewhere underneath all this. It’s gonna be a lot of work to dig him out.”

Deadpool was uncharacteristically solemn. “Then we’d better get started.”

With the two of them working on it, it didn’t take long to find Hamilton. Unfortunately, he was dead underneath the train of cars that had crushed him. At least Wade had found the remote and shut down the park so that everything was hauntingly quiet.

Peter punched one of the cars in frustration. “This has been the _worst_ week.”

Deadpool shrugged. “Could have been worse. The science nerd is safe, I got to free all the people this piece of shit was keeping in his creepy lab-“

“Wait, what?”

“And he got what was coming to him without me having to go back on my New Year’s resolution. Top that off with tomorrow’s payday, and I’m feeling pretty good.”

“Wait, Wade. What do you mean you freed the people in his lab? What exactly happened before I got here?”

“I busted in like a goddamn superhero is what happened.” He was trying to sound nonchalant, but Peter could tell how tense he was. “I found his fucked up hidey hole behind one of the rides. He had some people tied to gurneys like lab rats. I got free while you were keeping that freakazoid busy then went back and let them go before I destroyed everything.”

It was then that Peter noticed all the holes and cuts in Deadpool’s suit, and he bit his lip to keep from asking about it. Now wasn’t the time. “That’s-okay. Will they be alright?”

Wade shrugged again. “That’s up to them.”

Peter was distracted from replying when he heard sirens coming toward them. He looked around and noticed all the damage that had been done during the fight. He gestured for Deadpool to come with him. “Come on, we need to get out of here.”

But Deadpool grabbed his arm hard before he could move away.

“Wade, what’s going on?” Peter asked nervously. “You’re acting weird.”

“What’s weird is you knowing someone who experiments on people like they’re animals! There’s something you’re not telling me, Webs. How did you even know to be here, anyway?”

“I, uh…”

Deadpool’s grip tightened. “And what did a guy like that want with Peter Parker anyway? Does he know something about mutant DNA? If he’s been messing with this stuff-“

“No!” Peter interrupted. The sirens were getting louder. “That’s not it. Listen, I promise to tell you everything I know, but we don’t have much time. We gotta move if we wanna avoid the cops.”

They stood locked together in a silent standoff before Deadpool finally let go. “Fine. But you’re still gonna tell me how you knew that piece of moldy dickcheese.”

“As soon as we get somewhere safe,” Peter agreed.

They ran out of the park and down one of the streets that led away from the island, until they found a tall enough building. Then Peter pulled Deadpool onto his back before he scaled it and swung away. The whole time his mind raced as he tried to figure out what he would say when they landed.

He was out of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Deadpool finds people who have been experimented on similar to what he experienced with Weapon X, but not nearly to the extent that was shown in the movie. He gets a little homicidal, but it's just implied murder nothing graphic. The villain does a Norman Osborn style descent into insanity, but it's not an accurate portrayal of mental illness.  
> Peter comes close to being buried alive but he makes it out fine.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays!

They managed to slip past the line of emergency vehicles without being spotted. Peter stopped on the roof of a parking garage several blocks away, and Deadpool climbed off of him without the usual pinch to his ass. Instead, one of his hands immediately went to the pistol holstered on his hip.

Swinging had helped center him, so first Peter tried to ease the tension. “Whew, I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.”

Deadpool ignored his attempt and started pacing back and forth. “I thought I’d finally earned your trust, and then I find out that you knew about something like-“

“I didn’t know,” Peter interrupted. “I mean I had an idea something was happening, but I had no idea it was anything like this. All I knew was that someone was trying to capture Peter Parker. I looked into a possibility, but I was proven wrong.”

“That’s another thing! How do you know who Peter Parker is? I never told you his name!” Deadpool shouted. “How exactly is he involved anyway? Does he experiment on mutants in his free time? Maybe he used to be an accomplice of Dr. Freakshow’s.”

Peter shifted on his feet, feeling trapped.

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” the mercenary said darkly. “Why? I thought we were partners.”

“We _are_. I don’t keep secrets because I don’t trust you. It’s just…a lot. I’ve lost a lot of people who learn this particular truth about me. I didn’t want to lose you too.”

Deadpool stopped and looked at him. “Do you really trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then tell me what’s going on. You know, and you’re going to tell me.”

It was the same choice he’d had a few days ago, but this time there was no way to run without losing Wade, and he wasn’t gonna risk losing this wonderful man who brought so much life and laughter to the nights that dragged him down, who made the darkness more familiar and less scary, who made him feel brave enough to keep jumping because he knew that he wasn’t alone when he reached rock bottom. He took a few steps back and pulled his mask off. “I’m Peter Parker. Hi.”

Deadpool didn’t say anything. All of Peter’s insecurities started screaming, but he forced himself to take a deep breath and continue.

“It’s a bit underwhelming, I know. The Amazing Spider-Man, secretly a pathetic nerd! It’s funny, really when you think about it.” He forced himself to laugh. “If only people knew.”

“Tell me what’s going on,” Deadpool said again.

Peter rubbed the back of his neck. “Would you mind if we sat down? I’ll tell you everything, I’d just prefer to sit while we talk.”

Deadpool followed him to the edge of the roof, and they sat down on the edge with their legs dangling. It took a minute for Peter to make himself talk, and he kept his eyes on his feet so he wouldn’t be tempted to watch Wade’s reaction.

“I hacked your phone and used your GPS to find you. I was worried about what would happen if you didn’t have any backup. And when I saw him fly up with you, I thought he was someone else at first. Do you remember when the Green Goblin was last arrested? It was never revealed who it was, but I knew him personally. We used to be really close, but then his father…then a lot of things happened. He doesn’t remember the past year because of something that happened in our last fight. He’s been in a treatment facility ever since. He used to be a good guy, and he was my best friend. The man we were fighting earlier was the psychiatrist who was in charge of his treatment. He used Harry to find out things that no one else had. I met Dr. Hamilton for the first time this morning when I went to visit Harry, you know the place we went to? I swear I didn’t know anything about what he was doing.”

When he finished, the silence between them felt like it was gonna swallow them. He fidgeted with his mask, running his fingers around the edge and tapping at the eye lenses. “How’s the party over there? Cuz I’m doing great. Nope, no freaking out over here. It’s more like celebrating. Yeah, celebrating the, uh, the step forward our friendship has taken. Yep, yes. For sure, nothing but joy and good vibes over here.”

Wade’s voice was off when he finally replied. “Well it’s not exactly surprising that you’re a nerd. And I’ve always wanted to know what color your eyes are.”

“They’re just brown,” Peter mumbled, embarrassed. “It’s the most common eye color.”

“Ex-squeeze you, baby boy, your eyes are the prettiest hazel I’ve ever seen, with bits of green and gold sparkling like glitter or some shit. I didn’t know someone could have glitter eyeballs until I saw you in that oversized lab coat you hunch yourself into, and you looked at me through those bottle cap glasses you wear. Also what is up with the glasses? Do you switch to contacts when you put on the suit? Are those eye lenses prescription?”

Peter knew he was blushing bright red. “So you’re not angry?”

“I mean, I still owe you the best pancakes of your life, right?”

All the tension fled out of his body when he heard the words. He glanced at Wade through his eyelashes. “I’m definitely looking forward to them.”

Deadpool reeled back like he’d been hit. “Holy shit, Batman! Were you flirting with me? Did we go on a date?!”

Peter fidgeted. “I was kind of trying to seduce you. Did it work?”

Deadpool groaned and put his face in his hands. “I’m dead, I have to be. Spider-Man is a cute twink who flirts with me and has a kick-ass grandma who makes the best enchiladas I’ve ever eaten. Or maybe I’m hallucinating.”

He put his pistol to his head, but Peter tackled him. He pinned Deadpool, pointing the gun away. “This is real, and that’s not allowed! Not when I’m around.”

Deadpool whined, “But how am I supposed to figure out if this is real?”

“Something besides self-harm,” Peter said firmly.

Wade wiggled unhappily, and Peter realized how suggestive their position was.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as he started to pull away, but he was stopped when a leg wrapped around him. “Um-“

“Kiss me.”

“Wade,” Peter said weakly.

“Yellow says it’ll definitely be real if you kiss us. And White agrees.”

Peter couldn’t help smiling. “Okay.”

Deadpool looked surprised. “Really?”

“I’ll kiss you as much as you want, Wade. I just want to make sure you mean it.”

The other man took his mask off, and Peter could see his blue eyes. “I mean it, baby boy.”

There wasn’t anything to do but dip down and press his lips against Wade’s. They were dry, chapped, and warm. He pulled back after a few seconds, but Wade dropped his gun and wrapped completely around Peter, tugging him back down. Peter gave in with a groan. He ran his hands over the muscles he’d spent hours looking at and bit down on Wade’s bottom lip. Wade ran his tongue lightly over Peter’s upper lip, who opened his mouth and sank further into Wade’s hold.

After a while (Peter wasn’t sure how long, his brain was too fuzzy with pleasure), Wade flipped them so he was straddling Peter, taking the opportunity to grind down. Peter turned his mouth away with a gasp despite the insistent hand that was wound in his hair. Wade ran his tongue along the shell of his ear and nipped it with his teeth before kissing down his neck and biting his collarbone through his suit. Peter’s hips automatically hitched up, and Wade rolled with him a few more times. Peter opened his eyes as he panted, and the night sky reminded him that they were in the open where anyone could see them. He also realized that one of his hands had migrated to Wade’s ass on its own, encouraging the motion of his hips.

“Hold on, Wade.” The words came out breathy and unconvincing, according to the way they were completely ignored. It took several more seconds for him to move his hands so they were gently pressing on Wade’s shoulders. “Wait. Please, slow down.”

Wade licked his lips as he leaned away. “What’s wrong?” he asked roughly.

The way his voice rumbled in his chest made the heat under Peter’s skin burn a few degrees hotter, and he took a deep breath. “I just need a minute to cool down.”

“But I worked so hard to get you fired _up_.” He demonstrated with another delicious roll.

Peter hissed and forced him to stop. “I’m not having sex with you for the first time on a roof in public.”

Wade pouted but moved so he was lying next to Peter. They both adjusted themselves before settling.

A few minutes of peaceful quiet went by before Wade spoke again. “You never told me what he actually wanted with you.”

Peter sat up and looked down at him. “Norman Osborn was the original Green Goblin. He went insane from injecting himself with an experimental formula meant to create super soldiers. Harry took the mantle when Norman died. The spider that bit me and gave me my powers came from another Oscorp experiment. Dr. Hamilton wanted my DNA to complete his own version of Norman’s formula, but since I took all the files on their research, the only way to get it was from the source.” He gestured to himself. “Are you sure you aren’t mad at me for lying?”

“You rocked my world, Webs. Mind totally blown.” Deadpool sat up and put an arm around his shoulders. “I just didn’t expect to already know you. I followed you everywhere for a week, how did I not see you sneaking out in spandex to go fight crime? We even spent all day together, and I kept thinking that you reminded me of someone. You must have been laughing at me the whole time!”

“More like super nervous. I wasn’t sure what to do with my boss involved in this whole mess.”

“Why didn’t you tell him, anyway? Or does he already know? Does anyone know?” Deadpool gasped dramatically with a hand over his mouth. “Am I the only person who knows? Don’t worry, baby boy, I’ll take your secret to the grave.”

“You’re not the only one who knows,” Peter told him. “Aunt May and a couple of my exes know, too. Harry figured it out, but he’s got amnesia. And J.A.R.V.I.S. but he’s not technically a person and he’s promised not to tell Tony.”

“Why not? It would have been easier if the Tin Can had a better idea what was going on.”

Peter hunched his shoulders. He’d already told so many truths, he might as well share this one. “I’m the reason my uncle died, and Aunt May is a widow. I killed the first girl I loved, and I let the second one down so bad she left me.” He swallowed. “I’m also the reason Harry’s dad is dead and he’s stuck in a mental hospital where an asshole used him for months while I ran away from my problems. It never works out to drag people too close. Besides, I had no idea who was after me, so telling Tony wasn’t gonna help much.”

“Oh, Petey-pie.” Deadpool pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Peter let him, laying his head on Wade’s broad shoulder. “You ridiculous, beautiful piece of man meat. I don’t believe for one second that any of those things are your fault. I’m too much of a Spider-Man fanboy not to know just how good you are, and I bet a lot of other people know that too.”

Peter just shook his head. May and MJ had both said similar things, but it didn’t change reality. He knew his sins better than anyone.

“Oh yeah, I got the best thing to make you feel better!” Wade reached into one of his pouches and pulled out a stuffed…vegetable?

“What is that?” he asked.

“This is Mr. Eggplant, and he’s very happy to see you!” Deadpool made it look like the plushie was thrusting toward him.

Peter laughed. “Did you steal that from the park?”

“How dare you? I freed him from a terrible fate.”

Peter took the offered toy and gave Wade a peck on the cheek. “Thank you.”

“Does this mean making out will become a regular thing after fights? Cuz I could definitely get used to that.”

Peter glanced up at him. “Tell you what, I’ll make out with you whenever you want, if you agree to be my boyfriend.”

“Deal!” Wade beamed at him, and Peter smiled back.

“You know, I’ve still got a room at the Tower. The bed’s pretty big-“

He was interrupted when Wade pressed the buckle of his belt and they were transported into the bedroom he’d just mentioned.

“Less talky-talk, more kissy-kiss.”

Peter did as he was told. They had several hours until morning, and he knew just what he wanted to do in that time.

* * *

Aunt May found them in the kitchen the next morning. Peter was sitting at the bar talking to Wade as he mixed batter.

“I see that you two had a good night. I slept well, so thank you for not being too loud.”

Peter flushed. “Aunt May!”

She raised an eyebrow at him.

Deadpool looked absolutely gleeful. “I’m a gentleman caller, Mayflower. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

“I never doubted it for a moment. What’s for breakfast?”

“My multi-dimensional famous pancakes!” Wade boasted. “ They’re the food you’ll ever put in you’re pretty little mouth, May. Just you wait.”

“I bet you can’t top my wheat cakes.”

“Challenge accepted!” Wade held his spatula up like a sword. “I’m about to knock your slippers off, grandma.”

Aunt May giggled. Peter smiled as he watched them.

“At least you have better taste than your nephew. Did you know he prefers waffles? Your wheat cakes can’t be that good if he’s thinking nonsense like that.”

“Is that what he told you? Peter was probably just razzing you. My wheat cakes are his favorite breakfast,” said Aunt May.

Peter blushed when Wade gave him a disbelieving look. “Is that true, Petey-pie? Were you pulling my leg?”

“Oh I’m sure he’s pulled more than that.”

Peter choked on his water, and in his efforts not to drown he spluttered it all over himself. Wade giggled so hard he almost face-planted in the batter.

“Oh my god,” Peter groaned miserably.

The continued to tease him for the rest of the meal, until Peter used work as an excuse to escape. Wade promised to see May home safely as they said goodbye to him at the elevator.

Jen did a double take when she saw him walk in. “I know I said you could have one day off, but that was before you were seen carrying a dead body into the building while you were being shot at. I can do without you for a while until you don’t have people trying to kill you.”

“Actually, the guy behind it was found last night,” Peter explained. “So everything will be fine now. I just want to go back to normal.”

Jen gave him a disbelieving look, but nodded. “Fine. Same deal as the other day. You get a week to use a get out of work free card, and I’ll send you home if I think you need it.”

Peter agreed, then started checking to see what had been done yesterday.

* * *

May talked with Wade the whole way back to her home. Before he knew it, they were sitting at her table drinking coffee and he was being interrogated in the nicest way he’d ever been questioned, and also the most effective.

[Oh she’s good]

{Do we even like coffee}

May’s phone went off, and she took a moment to tap out a reply. “Excuse me, that was just Mary Jane. She’s been worried about me with everything that’s happened the last few days. Plus Peter isn’t the best at communicating. Even when they were married he had a habit of going off on his own. I think it started around the same time he got his powers. He gets it from Ben, he was also very independent. I’m sure you can imagine how relieved I was when you joined him out there. It’s something neither of us could really do. Would you mind if I gave her your phone number? We usually help each other stay up to speed whenever Peter is too busy.”

“I didn’t know you had my number.”

May pulled out a card that turned out to be one of his.

“Did Peter give that to you?”

“I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve,” she said with a wink.

{She’s _amazing_!}

[Maybe we should try dating her instead]

{Why not both? We could have a Parker sandwich!}

“So you’re okay with me dating Peter?” Wade asked.

“I like you. I think MJ will like you too if you let her get to know you. Besides, Peter is an adult who can handle his own love life. As long as I get my weekly lunches with him and you don’t hurt him on purpose, I have no problem with it. And I think it would be nice to add another person to the family, if you’re up for it.”

Wade had no idea what to say.

“Tell you what.” She flipped the card over and wrote on the back. “This is my number. Mary Jane and I like to get together on Tuesdays. We usually get drunk and bake. Just let me know if you want to join us. Sometimes I even pull out Peter’s baby pictures if you need a little extra incentive.” May smirked.

{Do. You. Hear. That! Baby Spidey!}

[I would not hate that]

Wade snatched up the card. “You can count me in, Mayflower!”

“Great. I’ll see you on Tuesday.”

{Ugh why does Tuesday have to be so far away}

Wade was so happy he practically skipped the whole way home. He was exhausted by the time he reached his apartment. He was laying down for a well-deserved nap when his phone rang. Tony was talking before he could say hello when he answered.

“I woke up today and found out that Coney Island is broken. You wanna tell me what happened?”

* * *

The workday went by relatively normal for Peter up until lunch. He checked his phone and saw that MJ had sent him a dozen messages. He replied that he would explain later, but whatever Aunt May had told her so far was true. After he was done eating, J.A.R.V.I.S. addressed him.

“Mr. Parker, Sir would like to speak with you.”

“Uh, okay.”

Jen had heard since he’d been eating in the lab, so she just nodded at him when he went to the door. The elevator ride reminded him of the one he’d taken a couple days ago. Tony was holding two glasses when the doors opened to reveal him. “Congratulations, Peter! You’re no longer a wanted man. Cheers.”

He handed one of the glasses to him and clinked his own against it before drinking deeply. He had dark circles under his eyes and a bruise was peeking out from his collar. Peter sipped his drink obediently. It was surprisingly good.

“So you caught the guy who was trying to kill me? Who was it?”

“Some crazy doctor, the city has plenty of them. He and a couple of his cronies were found dead this morning. Unfortunately, you can’t question a dead man, so we don’t know for sure why he went after you. But a look into his life proved that you are connected through your old classmate, Harry Osborn. If I were you I’d ask him about a Dr. Hamilton. Either way, you’re safe now.” Tony finished his drink and walked to the decanter to refill it. “Which means I don’t have to lose one of my favorite employees.”

“Mr. Stark, I want to thank you for what you did for me. You didn’t have to do anything, but because of you I’m still alive. Thank you.”

Tony waved a hand. “Don’t get sentimental on me, Pete. You’re a good man who didn’t deserve to die, that’s all.”

Peter smiled. “Even so.”

“Yes, well. Your lunch break ends in a couple minutes, you should get back before Jen gets upset.”

“See you later, Mr. Stark.” He set his glass down on the coffee table and left.

Jen asked him if everything was okay when he returned, and he reassured her. At the end of the day he went back to his room and retrieved his things before going home.

His apartment felt weirdly empty after all that had happened, and he still had enough energy to justify putting off sleep for a little while longer. He changed into his suit and leapt out the window. He whooped with joy as he swung through the streets, and a few blocks away he noticed Deadpool waving to him from a rooftop. He grinned and swung high, backflipping through the air before turning it into a somersault and landing on his fingertips a few feet away from his boyfriend, toes pointing straight up.

“10/10, sexiest show in the city!” Wade applauded.

Peter turned right-side up and got a kiss through their masks for his trouble.

The patrol they did that night wasn’t very different from what they normally did, but Peter wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote! But not really, because I'm working on an epilogue (featuring more shenanigans from our favorite boys) that will be posted separately. If anyone's interested they can subscribe to the series. Even if you don't, I hope you enjoyed reading this and I hope it works as a tribute to the fic it's based on, because it's one of the reasons I fell in love with this ship. I wanna give a big thanks to everyone who encouraged and supported me as I wrote this, you guys are amazing! And I hope y'all enjoy your weekend.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who leaves kudos and/or comments, I really appreciate it! The fact that you've read this far is a huge compliment.


End file.
